Blaming myself

My life changed 18 months ago, my dad lost his struggle against cancer.
He was found at his home he had suffered a massive brain hemorrhage brought on by his cancer, he thought on for 4 days in hospital and this is when I blame myself for giving up on him, I signed a DNR I feel like I gave up on him and I can’t get it out my head.

I am sorry you feel this way. I do too. I lost my mum to a sudden and comepletely unexplained bran hemorrage two weeks ago. I found her and tried CPR, to no effect. I also saw her 20 mins before it happened and thought she looked odd, and did nothing. I live with the maddening guilt that I let her pass away. All I can say is - we all try our best to love our parents as hard as we can. I know my dad thanks me for my CPR efforts and for showing my mum the love and normaility of the life she lived before she went. You ought to try to find that same sanity - it’s hard i know, I am on the edge right now. But I know that the love a parent detects from their child and feels for thier child is the strongest and most euphoric thing - that is absolutely going to be a major feeling that filled your dad in his last days, hours and moments. I so strongly feel that. You must be kind to yourself for the love and concern you showed - your intensity of grief is only proof of love - and such love provokes the right action, which you took - you loved. x

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Thank you for your kind words, I work with young people and the advice I give to them day to day is the type of advice I would like to follow but it’s not that easy when it’s your own demons your trying to deal with xx

I’m sorry to hear about you losing your mum.
She would have been proud that you tried your best to revive her, always believe that.
My prayers are with you. X

Hi Shana276

I was so sorry to read your post about the loss of your Dad. I know that horrible feeling when you sign the DNR form as had to do that for my Mum when she was terminally ill. There is an awful feeling of guilt doing it but as the staff in the hospital said to me real life is not like the TV shows where it all goes smoothly. I know this as watched my Dad have CPR and the memory stayed with me a long time.

Your Dad was able to pass away in as much comfort as possible and that is all we can hope for. You were able to give that to him and should be proud. Being able to give your parent all the love and care you can when they are no longer able to do that themselves is what they did for you as a child and helpless. You have nothing to beat yourself up about and should hold your head high.

You take care of yourself and remember the happy times with your Dad when he was well. Those memories will help and see you through the dark days.


Hi Phillyhunt

Just wanted to thank you for this post. It is lovely and says it all about the love we share with our parents.