I lost my husband 12 months ago this month and I’m struggling more than ever. Due to a fall out with my family I am completely alone. Children have cut me out of there lives as I have a lot of issues and I let them down. I miss them all so much and have so much guilt I feel like I’m drowning. I go days and days without seeing anybody. I have a few friends but they are all understandably getting on with living… Something I’m struggling to do. I’m OK while I’m at work but coming back to an empty house and everything reminding me of my husband and my family is so bloody hard. I just don’t know how to carry on. I’m 51 years old and have nothing and nobody. I can’t see things ever getting any better.
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Hello, grief is very hard without the added issue of being rejected by your children, could you write to them asking them to be part of your life again? If it’s not positive try and put that to one side and try and rebuild your life in small steps, join a leisure club for swimming and exercise classes? Or something else you can do at weekends? Establish a new routine and you’ll adapt & will connect with new people?
I know this is all easier said then done but we have one life & your husband will be by your side you just can’t see him 
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Bakewell49, im alot newer to this pain but i get what your saying. Coming home from work to an empty house is dire. Sending love and hugs. xx
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Hi. No ive tried to contact them but have basically been told that I’m dead to them now. Things were very complicated and I don’t blame any of them for any of it… Like I say I know they went through alot losing there dad and I know I let them down in ways that are unforgiveable but I miss them.
I became a grandma for the first time 5 months ago and I haven’t even been allowed to see him and that all adds to the hurt.
I just feel like there really is no point anymore in anything. But I keep getting up everyday because… Well I have to I guess. But I don’t see a future at all without them or husband in it xx
I’m sorry to rant but sometimes it helps to write things down as I have nobody I can say all this too x
Take care xx
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This is a place where you can say how your feel, you’ve coping with an awful lot, with your children may be best to leave them be for the moment, with the passing of time & maturity they may soften, they only have one mother, how about sending birthday cards and Christmas cards so they know that your open to them still & see what happens?
For the moment you need to focus on yourself & grieving for your husband & trying to rebuild your life, your at rock bottom at the moment so at least you know it can’t get any worse, but however bad times are they do pass.
Have you thought about support from counselling?
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I did think about counselling and had a initial telephone appointment a couple of months back.
I felt the woman I spoke to didn’t really care. She spoke to me in one of those voices that you talk to a small child in if that makes sense and to be honest it just didn’t really help. Made me feel like it was a waste of time.
I do know I need help but I also feel like I’m just getting what I deserve etc.
I have thought about going to see my gp but I find it very difficult to admit to the things I did.
I never hurt them physically or anything like that… I always tried to be a good mum. But I had issues… Gambling problems… that had caused huge problems for a long time. I caused many problems for my husband but he stuck by me. But the fact that I had put there dad and them through all that and then with him passing etc was too much for them. I think they blame me for everything that happened to him.
I know I need to let them go and live there lives… But how do you let your children go. As I say my husband and them are my life and I can’t see how at 51 to rebuild one without the in it
Hi, in time they may come around, there’s nothing you can do at the moment, just send birthday/Christmas cards letting them know your open to them, in respect of the counselling give it another go, sometimes we don’t take too person but could be fine with another? You do need to talk just remember that noone is perfect, all of us have hurt others at times, glass houses & all that, it sounds like you understand your addiction & could maybe join a group to get on top of that? You’ve got an awful lot on your plate but I think you can survive, with the GP maybe a short course of medication to help? You need to stop beating yourself up, your husband supported you so do it for him.
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@Bakewell49 I am so sorry that you are going through this without the support of your children. I am also sorry that you have lost your husband who sounded like your rock. Hopefully in time they will softer towards you. Have you sort face to face counseling? I had face to face counseling which helped me a lot. I also really struggled with guilt and went to see my GP who has referred me to a trauma therapist. You should not be ashamed of your past issues as there is always a reason why people take the wrong path in life and you have recognised this which is good. Have you Google bereavement support groups near you? Keep reaching out to your children. Hopefully you have got good friends to support you. Take one step at a time. Take care and big hugs xx
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