My Philmore died over a year ago, and I struggled to donate his clothes (also my own unworn clothes) to charities. Shortly after Philmore died, I managed to donate his working shirts and trousers because those were the clothes I washed the day he died, and I couldn’t stand the view of them anymore.
Since then, I have tried to sort clothes, shoes, etc., for another pick-up donation, but it always ends in tears and upset. Today, I pulled myself together and booked a pick-up for next week. I also have many DVDs, etc., to put on eBay or donate to charities. His children were not interested, so I think it is the best solution. I gave Phimore’s car to his nephew (I did not ask for any payment because there were repairs to do), but he did not even tell me if he still had the car or if he scrapped it. So much for, we are family etc. I need help cleaning the overgrown garden and the driveway, but I would rather pay someone, instead of asking the family. I still feel guilty to let my Philmore down by not doing anything except feel sorry for me, but I hope I will be better soon. Sending love and hugs.
Thank you so much for sharing this with the community 
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.
Take good care,
Alex
I chucked away worn shoes, underwear and socks. I asked my daughter’s day centre if they could use anything as spare clothes for their male service users. They were grateful for quite a few things. His coats and shoes were in the cupboard under the stairs, the space was more useful to me to store a spare wheelchair, so I donated them to the hospice shop where I used to volunteer. I will have to get around to sorting out his wardrobes and drawers when I feel up to it. Right now they are not in my way.
Xx
I lost my partner of 20 years last month, to cancer. I’m trying to stay busy. I put a few things in a bag when I saw that the hospice made that suggestion on their website, on how we can support them… Their nurses did so much for us, kept us going and even had us in stitches. I thought it would be another way to repay them. I just put the stuff that he didn’t wear much in. I haven’t taken them to the hospice charity shop yet though.
I need time to make sure I’m doing the right thing. It did cross my mind about how I would feel if I saw someone locally wearing those clothes, in a restaurant or at the shops. I may take relatively unrecognisable clothes, jeans etc, to our local shop, and certain shirts and tops further afield. It’s hard. This loss is causing such physical and emotional pain. Time does heal, soften things. I know from losing others. I want to be happy again, and he would have wanted that. I’m still numb, with times disbelieving he’s really gone. He was 59.
Got to get through this somehow, good to have support here.
I also took my time to sort out certain things—one step after another. I still have the feeling, or better yet, the conviction, that Philmore still looks after me somehow. Just take your time to sort out everything. I am sending hugs and love.
I still have jims watches dont want to part with them . Some of his t-shirts i had made into a cushion and a teddy bear . I use his power tools and still finding uses for his hundreds of screws he had.
I saw my partner smile when I said Im keeping your tools. He was telling me what to do with things. He was proud of his man cave. I keep replaying it all. It’s so helpful to share some of these experiences, I don’t feel so alone with it all, with people who don’t understand x love the teddy x
Lovely teddy. I have two pillows and one T-shirt with his smiling face—there is lots to cuddle and kiss.