My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2011 and I helped support my mum and dad through this but mum.passed away 2 years 8months ago. Dad and I supported each other to pick ourselves up and a year later my dad was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer . He fought very hard and infact randomly does from encephalitis which was a shock to us and doctors as well. He died a month ago today and due to him having a fall.and surgery between two hospitals the coroner had to be involved which delayed the funeral to the forest just gone.
I feel lost and as if I just lostboth my mum again as well as my dad.
People seem.to be hurrying me to get back to reality and I can’t I don’t feel like I’m.being allowed the time to grieve. To sleep or hide if I want to when I need it. I’m 34 Nd I feel as if I’ve been cheated of having a happy life.and future with my.parents. I feel so so lost.my anchor has gone .
Hello, I’m also 34 and have lost both of my parents. My mother died at the age of 69 of pancreatic cancer a year ago. My father died at 78, 9years ago. I too feel cheated. I am angry that I had to lose both my parents. I get envious of those older than me who have both parents. It feels so unfair. I feel very much on my own without them. I want to scream it’s not fair.
I’m so sorry you have experienced two losses so very close. Sending you a hug x
Thank you falling Star. It sounds like you have really been through it as well. I just can’t find any normality and I totally understand that feeling that you want to scream. I feel like I’m in a daze and that people think I’m ok but really it feels as if people are asking too much from me and I need time to be left alone. How do you move forward ? I don’t want to. I want people to acknowledge the loss not just brush it under the carpet.
It’s so hard to answer that question because I too struggke. I can only say that I find keeping busy helps to take some focus away from the loss. Whether this is the right way in dealing with it? Some would say it’s not right to ignore it! I will say I made a beautiful memory pond in the garden for my mother. I did this on her year anniversary. I found it very therapeuti, as well as a nice place for me and my kids to sit and think of my mum, their grandma. My mother loved ponds, so it felt fitting. I would suggest doing something creative to help focus your thoughts. Even if it’s recycling furniture. I also wrote some poems on my losses. I found it a way of communicating to those around me how I was feeling. The bottom line is I’m sat hete now, only just joining this group, because I am not coping. I may have done these things, and they have helped, but ultimately I lost my parents and I miss them. Nothing can ever change how we feel. I wish with all my heart I could take the sadness away. I read once that grief is live. Love you have inside for the one you lost. I had a lot of love for both my parents, and so I have a lot of grief that is never ending. I’ve come on this site in the hope it helps me know I’m not alone. That is how I feel. I feel so alone. I don’t want my children to grow up with memories of their mum being sad. Likewise I don’t want to look back on their childhoods with me thinking how sad I was. I know I need to get out of this sad space, it’s just I’m not sure how xx
The pond sounds so lovely what a lovely.tribute and I comforting place to be I imagine. I had a ant I potted when my mum died and thankfully the ant has thrived so I enjoy looking at it and caring for it. I really don’t know regarding your children I don’t have children yet but I think children tend to be resilient and although you might feel you are sad they might be focussing on the parts where you aren’t. We aren’t always displaying sadness. I laughed tonight as in really laughed and I was shocked by it how could I be laughing ? But something madee.smile and that is okay. I dread having children and my parents not knowing them I wish they would meet them. Its good you have come here to speak to people . I feel.lost and this seemed to be a good choice to find people. often wheny dad was ill I didn’t know where to go for help or advice especially at night which is when the time goes slowly and my.mind races
I keep feeling so sad. I’ve been doing ok. This past two weeks it’s gradually started to take over. I just keep crying like a child. I can’t even put it into words. I’m just sad and feel so very alone. X
Hello Falling Star,
All of my friends keep telling me how well I’m doing (I lost my husband to cancer in February of this year). And I did seem to be getting along quite well. I’d made new friends and taken up some new interests, starting to slowly build a new life, just like I’d promised him. Then, in the second week of September, the grief and pain hit me like a sledgehammer. I was depressed, crying, could see no future, didn’t want to go on - just totally distressed. Since then I’ve had some pretty good days, but quite a lot of bad ones too. But each morning I get up, do the best that I can with the day, and try to move just a little bit further in baby steps. It is very hard, and not always rewarding, and some times I feel that I’ve taken 2 steps forward and 3 back. You grieve for the person you’ve lost, what was, and what life might have been. Take care Jayne xxx
Have you had counselling? I had it when my mum passed away and I found it helpful to a point. Although I did make radical.changes in my.life as well which could have been a bit extreme but I felt I needed to. I’m.hoping to have counselling again but I just don’t know if it’s going to help everything feels.diffefent . Its good to cry I think . It’s important . X
I’m on a waiting list with Cruise Bereavement. I’m sorry I feel so full of self pitty today. I just feel people like you on hear are the only ones who can truly understand.x
Hi Leanna,
I’ve had counselling too. I had quite a bit with my husband when he was terminally ill, it really helped a lot and meant that when he died we had left nothing unsaid. And I’ve been seeing a psychotherapist for a couple of months. This has really helped too, but in a different way, and I am coming to the end of my sessions now. I have been seeing her privately, (and it has been very expensive) but my GP surgery only offered a maximum of 6 sessions, and I knew I would need more than that. Also, I didn’t want to go back to the hospice where he died for my therapy because I just couldn’t face it, and felt that they knew us too well. xxx
I think a lot of people dismiss it and then realise it’s needed at some point which is why I’m keen to have it. Sounds like it has really helped you along the way. I guess the issue is it doesn’t change that they are gone but it helps to be able say the unthinkable and fears to someone who is removed.
I feel full of self.pity too and I try to think oh it could be worse … Hut I don’t think that’s true I think it’s awful and we have every right to be full of self pity . It feels unfair and yes it’s so good to have somewhere to talk to people in similar situations even though it’s sad we have to be here in the first place.
my parents are now gone. only child. it is still horrible. two years later. these are trying times and people will not understand. I have never felt the stings of relating with other people as painfully as I do without my parents.
you are SO vulnerable. shut yourself off from them, when you must to protect yourself. they often do not know, and often do not care, how sorrowful you feel. shutting people out is a positive protective measure.
you do not need to be more wounded than you already are.
My mum died of breast cancer when I was 21, my dad died of a heart attack when I was 38, I was a complete wreck after my dad died and had a breakdown, I’m 49 now and lost my brother in April 2016. I’m still really struggling to find my way forward. I’m so sorry for all of us here. I wasn’t sure this forum was helpful but find myself drawn back, I’ve completely isolated myself from my friends who have shown very little empathy or understanding and yes I’m very angry at life.
I try to think positively but my sadness and grief is so overwhelming I can’t get rid of that horrible gnawing emptiness. It is good to connect with people who understand. Love and light. Bun xx
It is hard keeping strong for our children, mine are grown up now and living independently but they’re still very affected seeing my pain and grief, I put on a brave face and act cheerful but it exhausts me. I’m so sorry for you and thinking of you. Bun xx