Hi anyone really.
I’ve been on this site for just over 3 years after the sudden loss of my mum. And now I find myself needing to reach out again after the sudden loss of my dad 4 weeks ago. I thought I’d handle it better this time. That I’d be tougher, stronger etc. I’m coping a little better but those feelings. Those horrible familiar feelings are all back. I feel anxious. Weak. It’s like I’ve lost the last person who had my back in the world. I feel so alone. I have 2 children so I am not. I don’t really know what I need but I feel so messy. His wife is still in their house and I find it so hard to go there. Memories… all his things still there as he left them. I just don’t know. I’m sorry this is a rambling post but I just don’t know what the do with myself at the moment. I miss him. And mum. So much.
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Hi, I’m sorry for your loss.
I lost my dad in 2020 and my mum in April this year. Like you, I thought I’d handle the grief better this time, but it’s hit me for six. It has really surprised me and I’ve lost my way a bit.
I’ve had a couple of counselling sessions and it was suggested that I was feeling it more because my mum going meant I no longer had parents and that that security net went with her. Also that the generation above me has now gone, so it makes you think about your own mortality. It makes sense to me. I suddenly feel fearful and anxious. I do have 2 older brothers, but we’re not close, I wish we were.
But your children will keep you going. It will be tough, but they will keep you busy.
I’ve been advised to be kind to myself and I suggest the same to you.
Take care.
I lost my dad 4 years ago then lost my mom 3 weeks ago. I too have a lot of familiar feelings again. I was so close to them both and cant believe I have no parents now. Its a big adjustment and so very sad. I hope you have some support to help you through.
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It is a huge adjustment. Even though I have the kids I feel quite alone in the world now.
Im so sorry. I feel a bit alone too at times even though I hsve a lot of support. O think that feeling is all part of the loss.
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It is definitely a huge adjustment. I bumped into someone yesterday that I haven’t seen for a while, when I told him about my mum he said ‘that’s an extremely difficult one to navigate’ and his words stuck with me. I don’t think there can be anyone who’s lost their parents who doesn’t know what a tough time this is.
Grief is lonely, because it’s personal to you.
I’m only 2 months since losing mum, but I am impatient, it’s a fault, I want to feel better asap, yet I know deep down this is unreasonable.
We have to learn to be kind to ourselves.
Yes I’m quite impatient too and find I’m just wanting these feelings to go now. This is one of the worst feelings. Grief. It never goes but it does ease. I want it to ease now. In the last 3 years it’s been mum, a divorce and now dad and it’s all taking its toll a bit.
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I know exactly what you mean.
Life can be hard, and you’ve had a tough few years. Mine is similar, my dad passed away during the pandemic after nearly 3 years of cancer treatment. I effectively became my mum’s carer, she had a lot of health issues. My beautiful dog passed away in 2022. My mum was diagnosed with dementia in 2023 and had to go into a care home ( I had to handle everything for her, including selling her house). My father in law passed away before Christmas, and then my mum went just before Easter. Written down like that it looks awful, but of course there were happier times in amongst this. But the stress has worn me down.
Divorce where there’s children involved can be tricky. Do you get on with your ex? Are they supportive to you as you go through this?
You have been through alot. It just takes its toll. Ex filed for divorce 3 weeks after mums funeral. Not the best time and the situation got a lot worse when he somehow became my manager and then began seeing someone else in work. And they were not discreet while still in the process of divorce. Last year I finally gained full ownership of our home for myself and my children. Things had settled down and then dad went. So emotionally I feel like I’m back to square one…
That’s tough to take. Life sure has it’s ups and downs. I keep being reminded that the path through life, and through grief, isn’t a straight line. This is true, but the knocks are hard to take, particularly when you’re still in recovery.
Well done for securing your house for yourself and your children. That must be a relief to you. Things will settle down again one day, and hopefully sooner rather than later.
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Having lost my Mum 2 years ago and now my Dad 4 months ago,im feeling Low,my body aches and i have no patience for anything .
I quite understand what you have said about the fact both parents are gone now and so our past has gone.
I’m the eldest now,having 2 Brothers just 4 years younger than me