I’ve been on this site for just over 3 years after the sudden loss of my mum. And now I find myself needing to reach out again after the sudden loss of my dad 4 weeks ago. I thought I’d handle it better this time. That I’d be tougher, stronger etc. I’m coping a little better but those feelings. Those horrible familiar feelings are all back. I feel anxious. Weak. It’s like I’ve lost the last person who had my back in the world. I feel so alone. I have 2 children so I am not. I don’t really know what I need but I feel so messy. His wife is still in their house and I find it so hard to go there. Memories… all his things still there as he left them. I just don’t know. I’m sorry this is a rambling post but I just don’t know what the do with myself at the moment. I miss him. And mum. So much.
Hi, I’m sorry for your loss.
I lost my dad in 2020 and my mum in April this year. Like you, I thought I’d handle the grief better this time, but it’s hit me for six. It has really surprised me and I’ve lost my way a bit.
I’ve had a couple of counselling sessions and it was suggested that I was feeling it more because my mum going meant I no longer had parents and that that security net went with her. Also that the generation above me has now gone, so it makes you think about your own mortality. It makes sense to me. I suddenly feel fearful and anxious. I do have 2 older brothers, but we’re not close, I wish we were.
But your children will keep you going. It will be tough, but they will keep you busy.
I’ve been advised to be kind to myself and I suggest the same to you.
Take care.
I lost my dad 4 years ago then lost my mom 3 weeks ago. I too have a lot of familiar feelings again. I was so close to them both and cant believe I have no parents now. Its a big adjustment and so very sad. I hope you have some support to help you through.
It is definitely a huge adjustment. I bumped into someone yesterday that I haven’t seen for a while, when I told him about my mum he said ‘that’s an extremely difficult one to navigate’ and his words stuck with me. I don’t think there can be anyone who’s lost their parents who doesn’t know what a tough time this is.
Grief is lonely, because it’s personal to you.
I’m only 2 months since losing mum, but I am impatient, it’s a fault, I want to feel better asap, yet I know deep down this is unreasonable.
We have to learn to be kind to ourselves.
Yes I’m quite impatient too and find I’m just wanting these feelings to go now. This is one of the worst feelings. Grief. It never goes but it does ease. I want it to ease now. In the last 3 years it’s been mum, a divorce and now dad and it’s all taking its toll a bit.
Life can be hard, and you’ve had a tough few years. Mine is similar, my dad passed away during the pandemic after nearly 3 years of cancer treatment. I effectively became my mum’s carer, she had a lot of health issues. My beautiful dog passed away in 2022. My mum was diagnosed with dementia in 2023 and had to go into a care home ( I had to handle everything for her, including selling her house). My father in law passed away before Christmas, and then my mum went just before Easter. Written down like that it looks awful, but of course there were happier times in amongst this. But the stress has worn me down.
Divorce where there’s children involved can be tricky. Do you get on with your ex? Are they supportive to you as you go through this?
You have been through alot. It just takes its toll. Ex filed for divorce 3 weeks after mums funeral. Not the best time and the situation got a lot worse when he somehow became my manager and then began seeing someone else in work. And they were not discreet while still in the process of divorce. Last year I finally gained full ownership of our home for myself and my children. Things had settled down and then dad went. So emotionally I feel like I’m back to square one…
That’s tough to take. Life sure has it’s ups and downs. I keep being reminded that the path through life, and through grief, isn’t a straight line. This is true, but the knocks are hard to take, particularly when you’re still in recovery.
Well done for securing your house for yourself and your children. That must be a relief to you. Things will settle down again one day, and hopefully sooner rather than later.
Having lost my Mum 2 years ago and now my Dad 4 months ago,im feeling Low,my body aches and i have no patience for anything .
I quite understand what you have said about the fact both parents are gone now and so our past has gone.
I’m the eldest now,having 2 Brothers just 4 years younger than me
Your post really resonates with me. I lost my mum 15 years ago and my dad in November. I, like you, thought I would cope okay but it’s been really tough. Dad dying brought back all the grief from mum dying and I have felt that I am drowning sometimes. Yesterday was my birthday and it hit me that I don’t have any parents now. Those people who I meant everything to are gone and, although I have a husband and 2 gorgeous daughters, I felt alone. It has made me realise I’m not doing as well as I thought I was and I probably need to reach out for some support.
I hope you are doing okay, it comes in waves I think and losing your parents, no matter what age you are, is so tough. We need to be patient with ourselves and keep reaching out for help when we need it.
Hi all. It’s a really hard one to navigate. Although we try and do it as best we can. I’m finding I’m quite angry a lot at the moment. I have alot of people around me physically at the moment either and the ones I do have are taking the tough love approach to the extreme and it’s not helping. With all of life’s other stresses things are taking their toll. I’m sorry your birthday was so tough and that’s something I’ll find out in August. Our reasons for existing are no longer here. It’s a hard to get your head around. Life carries on… but I feel like I’m just dragging myself through it right now.
I think anger is a very normal response but that doesn’t make it any easier to cope with. I have tried the tough love approach with myself and it really doesn’t help, I have to stop shaming myself and telling myself that I should be over this and feeling better, I see other people that have lost someone recently and they seem to be coping but of course we never really know what people are going through on the inside. I think it’s one of the hardest things to face, the fact that life goes on. I just keep thinking of all the things to that have changed since they left, my oldest daughter had a little boy in April, it was such a joyous occasion but I just kept thinking how my parents haven’t got to see this.
Yeah I get that. My kids were 7 and 2 when mum died and she’s missed so much. My dad only moved closer to us last August so my kids got to know him and him them and now he’s gone and missing out too. Just all so sad.
I’m having a couple of bad grief days. My mum died 3 years ago, my dad died 9 years ago. I was watching Glastonbury on TV this weekend and my mind went back to watching Paul McCartney on the TV play there in 2022, only a few months after my mum died. I remembered watching it, and how I felt totally numb at the time. I’d been fortunate to have a few months recently without any bad grief days, but they’re back now. Grief is such a powerful thing, even years later. Take care all.