Boundaries

It’s been 6 months since my dad died, it was expected, he had a tough fight with cancer and lost. My relationship with my parents has always been a very complicated one, with my dad being my protector. I’m now left with my mum who is not coping well at all and I’m struggling to be supportive. I haven’t lived at home since I was 19, but the last few years I lived within walking distance. We’ve recently moved, a move that was right for us… (my family) we still have lives to live, but I feel so guilty all the time! I try to reason with myself that not many parents have their children just around the corner and pop and see them every day… and moving a 15 minute drive away is no big deal. I began to feel suffocated living so close, not having time to be me. Am I selfish? I don’t know how to reconcile guilt and the need for space… does anyone have advice please?

I don’t have any advice.

But I don’t live close to my Dad. I live three hours away. All my family live close to each other. Mum passed away in February. When she came out of hospital I stayed with them to help Dad care for her. Our physical distance didn’t mean I loved her less and I was there when they needed me.

Fifteen minute drive seems a nice distance if you need a little space. Just make sure you give time each week to your Mum. Phone and text where you can. Help with shopping or help with jobs around the house if she needs a bit of support even if it’s something as simple aschanging a light bulb. Go for a walk together now and again. Quality time is better than getting under each others feet.
My husband’s mum is widowed and us not local either. Sometimes as a family we visit. Sometimes he goes alone to just do the jobs around the home eh changing lightbulbs. They chat over the phone and text.
I don’t think you are being selfish. Give yourselves time to settle in and your new relationship with your mum will fall in to place.

Sending you best wishes x

I also feel overwhelmed by the support my mum needs . She is so lonely and now feeling depressed . It has been 9 weeks since dads passing. I go over nearly everyday but i to feel that I need time for myself. When I take a little time I feel terribly guilty that mum is home alone and sad. I really do t know how to meet her needs and mine

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