@Cathphil it is certainly the most traumatic thing I’ve experienced. We were married nearly 35 years (most of my adult life) and I miss him so much 
I don’t want anyone else he was my one love. I would like to think I could have a platonic relationship one day, to share outings, meals etc. But not sure that will ever happen.
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Dear Jan17, I am the same. I cannot even imagine living with someone else but having a good friendship to go out, go shopping, to the cinema etc. would be nice. But if it never happens again I am ok with it. I had my share of love and a very happy marriage and I could not ask for more. Something like that only happens once in a lifetime. It was love at first sight. Sending love and hugs.
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@Cathphil, what a coincidence. I was thinking about that marriage vow, the other day, too. I was thinking in the way that death hasn’t parted us completely, I will still love honour, hold, cherish him, he will still be part of me. My mind, heart and soul are still intertwined with his, because the other half “Us” is still here. The bond will be forever.
I have also had the same " angry" feelings that you and @Hazel.1966 talk about here (sorry if I’ve forgotten someone else). I also have elderly parents, dad is nearly 90, of course, God bless them, I love them, but I don’t understand how their only child, their only daughter, ME, can suddenly become a widow at 53, my darling was only 57,that was two and a half years ago. My kids are 25 and 27 now, and I am just so angry and sad that they’ve already been left without their dad, way too soon! @Cathphil, this last post you’ve written hit a chord. A year later my MIL passed away, and I feel so guilty about not being able to grieve for her. My whole self is still full of heartbreak for my husband, so it’s as if there is no “space” for her in my heart. I remember at the funeral, breaking down when one of my husband’s cousins came over to greet me, but the tears were not for her, I was thinking of my husband, crying out his name, saying “but not him, he shouldn’t have been taken”.
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Who is MIL ? Yeh my brother mentioned that in his eulogy at my husbands funeral …till death us do part ! Its too sad all of it ! I didnt even want him to go from this world and its not fair ! I will forever say its not fair cos it isnt ! Why does god take a lovely man ?? One who was so loved ? I dont understand life anymore … i don’t understand the justice in any of this ! When.like you say the parents are still alive 
!!
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Dear @Solost
Thank you for your reply.
One of the best things about this site is when you either read another post that resonated, or even more special when you wrote one that resonated with others.
It just so validates all our feelings, and brings comfort to know others feel the same and ‘get’ us.
So THANK YOU.
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Thank you too, @Cathphil, it’s a relief being able to relate to others and give each other comfort. Sorry @Deb5 , I meant my mother-in-law with MIL.
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@Jan17 Yep, that sums it up. I lost my darling wife last year and my life is destroyed totally. Lost my Dad in March, but never felt anything in comparison, same as when my mum died. Sharon is my entire life, and now she’s gone.
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@Solost You are so right on what you say. I can’t accept that my darling Sharon is “gone”. Her body may have expired, but she’s always with me in my heart and around me. I talk to her, often out loud (I try not to do this on public transport!), and she sends me messages. No one knows what is in the stars, ours is a tiny spec of the universe. Sometimes I look up at a particular constellation where I used to joke with Sharon was where she came from (and I used to tell the doctors was why she could deal with so much chemotherapy as she has different DNA! ) and I say; “Hi sweetie, I’ll never stop loving you, we are together forever throughout all eternity…” and she’ll usually reply something like: “so I suppose I’m stuck with you then?!?”. Not the sort of thing you can talk about with those who’s soul mate hasn’t passed…
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Ha … that made me smile your last comment your wife said - my husband used to say to me "you’ll do for me " ! He always made me laugh when he said that - how i wish he was here to say that to me now god bless him ! God bless all our beloved !! Xxx
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I had a senior nurse at work say to me “when you get over this” I told her I never will, how insensitive people can be sometimes, I just hope they never have to experience the loss of their partner in life, I wouldn’t wish the feeling on my worst enemy. It’s a year in 18 days, no one can tell me times a healer because it simply isn’t true
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Yes i know its really not nice is it just most awful experience in my life and for us all im guessing … bloody weekend again ! Its a never ending path of misery isnt it ? fed up today … i dont get any of this ? I just wish i could wave a magic wand and make it all better but i cant … ! Go out, you are miserable , stay in youre miserable ? Is there any let up ? No its just one long road to misery … im not actually sure if i will ever be happy again tbf … my sunshine has gone my lovely sunshine has been taken away
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@Deb5
You have summed up my feelings! Can only hope things will improve with time.
Love and peace to all xx
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