Hi everyone ,
It’s been just over a year now since my wife and soul mate passed away , it feels as if part of me died with her and it’s been hard to try and find it again if that makes sense to any of you ?
I find that putting a brave face on seems to be the easiest way when people ask how I am , if I take the option of being honest then it’s difficult 
Is this because others are still a couple and probably don’t understand , I know as a couple there will inevitably be a time when one of you is on their own . I felt that as things started to look like it would be me that I could cope and would be ok .
The reality has been quite different , things are much better than they were last year but it still feels like a battle xx
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Hi @Gary165
I know that feeling well. I think sometimes people that haven’t been through it don’t always know what to say, or how to make you feel better. Horribly, most people’s default mode is to problem solve other people’s problems, but with bereavement it’s difficult, they can’t bring our loved ones back, so in some cases, people avoid us, I know it sucks, so we put on the “Brave face”, either to stop people from fussing, or so they don’t feel uncomfortable & abandoned us.
The truth is, it’s at times like these you learn who your real friends are, “Those that mind don’t matter, & those that matter don’t mind”.
I know it’s hard when a loved one passes, but they never truly leave us, we carry them in our hearts every day. As a person, you are entitled to your feelings, & I can say from experience it’s important to have a constructive outlet, you do what works for you. As nutty as it may sound, my baby died during pregnancy some years ago, I write to him every anniversary of his death, & on the birthday when he was due, he’s my little angel, it broke my heart to loose him, but I keep going. Just take it one day at a time. You can always talk on this forum, you don’t need to put on a brave face here, you can talk as much or as little as is comfortable for you, we’re all here because we’ve lost someone we love. Sending hugs of support.
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Hi @Pandaprincess
Thank you so much for your message , it is surprising those that step up to support us , sometimes people we haven’t known long whereas those that we have known for sometime surprisingly disappear .
Am so sorry to hear of your loss , I have recently been blessed with a grandson who is just the most amazing blessing so to lose that would be incomprehensible .
People say things get better with time but I feel as time goes on people just seem to forget or at least forget to ask how we are ?
My wife was so looking forward to being a Nan and so it’s bitter sweet but as you say I carry her love in my heart 
Sending hugs xx
Yes I know that brave face feeling
It’s like your protecting them
People ask how you are but they don’t have the space for you to say how you really feel
If someone asks genuinely then I well up and I feel I have expressed my true feelings and I’m grateful for that chance
It doesn’t even have to be a friend
On phoning the Bereavement department of companies they can be very kind and give you chance to let your feelings out before you have to explain - again
For me tonight I just needed a jumper to hug to settle me
And to be in touch here where I know people understand the hundreds of things going on in your head at this grieving time
Xx
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Hi @Redsquirril25
Hope you are ok tonight ? You are quite right that some people don’t have the capacity to hear our true answer to how we are ? And should people take the time to actually listen and offer support it takes you by surprise and often these people are those that you would least expect support from
It’s one of those things where on the other side people say give him a few weeks and things will feel better ?
Sometimes you have to have had the experience to understand
Sending hugs xx
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