I lost my dad on the 10th of March this year and was cremated on the 30th,
I have 2 brothers who live away so they could not attend due to flight being cancelled due to virus.
Me and my step mum had to arrange everything and it was terrible 18 only allowed to go all of us distanced away from each other.
My dad died of dementia only being diagnosed in the October 2019, he had been moved to a care home when he left hospital he was treated really badly and we had him moved to a nursing home.
I did report this care home and yes they have inspected it thankfully.
My dad settled into the nursing home they all were so lovely and caring it was so great to find a place we felt comfortable about.
Sadly my dad died after a terrible deterioration of his body I have never seen or experienced anything like it a whole 3 weeks of suffering. I was with him all the way until he passed away at night and we couldn’t get to him in time.
I have been ok but bang I have completely fell apart cannot sleep having flash backs also I had 5 weeks off work to help me but then lock down came in and I had to isolate not seeing my children I felt I had lost everything.
My husband was off with me as well he noticed how I had changed and became a very quite.
I did call my gp they gave me antidepressants which I feel are helping me to forget in a way and sleep. And they are offering me counselling which I am waiting for…
The thing is I cannot cry I feel I want to scream but cannot I feel I want to run away but my family keep holding me back which is a good thing but why cannot I cry…?
Oh Sarah you have had an awful time, everybodies experience of grief is different, the fact you haven’t cried is not unusual, it’s your bodies way of coping, I’m so please you have seen your GP and that you are going for counselling, I’m sure that will help, I know when my husband died, the overwhelming feeling I had was relief, I knew he wasn’t suffering anymore, I think that is one of the awful things is watching somebody you love suffering from pain and not being to make it better, things will get better in time, sending you love and hugs xx
Hi. Sandra. Welcome. Delayed grief is not uncommon. You will express your emotions once the initial shock has passed. Three months is so little time to get your thoughts together. And if your GP has prescribed anti depressants don’t be put off by what people say about them. Be guided by your GP. You won’t always need them, but at the moment, and your GP thinks so, you may well need some medication. Please try and not worry about the fact that you can’t cry at the moment.
My wife had dementia at the end so I do know how awful it can be. Flashbacks will occur. We all have had them and they are all part of this process of grief, as are upsetting dreams. Running away!! Oh yes, I know the feeling well. To escape it all and all the memories, but alas, wherever we go we take ourselves with us. There is hope in any awful situation like the one you are going through. One day at a time is best at the moment. I have kept my eyes on the distant light. It’s getting brighter but it’s not been easy.
Take care and come back when you feel the need to talk. John.
I’m so sorry that I’ve got your name wrong 
, I’ll try and get my brain into gear xx
I decided on the 1st anniversary of my husbands death, I needed to be anywhere except at home, I went and stayed with my daughter and family, thought it would distract me, it was the worse decision I made, I found I couldn’t remember him as I wanted to, your memories follow you, you can’t escape them xx