Hi everyone. So thankful to have found this site. I’m in America and it seems our healthcare is somewhat different. Here, when someone is terminally ill and receives “hospice” ( palliative care), it’s at home at one’s own expense for nurses, aides, etc… or it can be in nursing home at one’s own expense. I was told today that if I choose nursing home, they would put a lien on
our home to make sure they are paid, I would have nowhere for myself and 10 cats to live.
My husband is dying of liver and kidney failure. He is in hospital and has times when he is aware of what’s going on, most times he’s yelling and screaming at me and nurses. When thinking clearly, he begs to come home to be with me and his beloved cats. It is my only choice and I am afraid it will be awful. I cannot afford help and so, I will be his only caregiver. He is bed ridden, incontinent and delusional at times. Hospice nurse will come 1 day a week, an aide 2 days.
I am afraid for him yet have no choice. Any suggestions?
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That sounds so hard, @GrayCloud - I’m sorry you and your husband are going through this. I’m just giving your thread a gentle bump - I’m sure someone will have some thoughts to share.
Very kind . Thank you for trying but honestly, I’m not finding this site helpful. Aside from a couple helpful comments, I do not feel welcome here either.
Hey, from the UK so it’s different. My mum wanted to come home too. The disorganisation of our health service meant that my mum passed at home after a week. The day she passed, one of the ‘nursing teams’ came in. One of three who split the week into 3 visits a day for washing/observations/ cooking and some tidying if needed. My mum had stage 4 lung cancer, had ‘convulsions’ when standing up and was essentially nil by mouth.
Logistically, she should not have come home. The thought she had of how it would be for her, it wasn’t that. We aren’t a ‘big’ family. It’s only me and mum and my auntie lives about 10 minutes away by car so we would have to take turns in staying with mum, sorting her medication, coordinating her bills, doctors etc.
She had an oxygen tank installed which had to be upgraded, it cost a lot of money to run each day and they reimburse you at the end of the second month. All of these things stressed her out, her being nil by mouth made her worse too and it was almost like she didn’t want us there but needed up.
In short, without the proper support on the level a hospital can provide or if there are multiple family members that can constantly help out. Don’t bring him home, it will ruin you and him. If he gets close to the end, maybe then try and bring him home so he can pass in a place he loved. The disparity between the care you are actually able to provide compared to what is needed is often too much. Our love does not = practical care and support skills.