Is it possible to die of a brokenheart because that’s how I feel. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as I lay in bed thinking of my darling Jim. That awful day in August just goes round and round in my head as he took his last breath and I said goodbye and kissed his forehead telling him I love him and always will. I hope he heard me. I haven’t felt like doing anything since then and cry all the time . Our lovely home we furnished and decorated together no longer seem like home its just a house now where I sleep. All our plans for the future gone. My life also died that day. No amount of counselling will help it can’t bring him back so I’m not interested . I hate it when people say it will get better with time NO IT WON’T EVER GET BETTER how can it. Now with Xmas looming I’m getting more anxious and sad I have told friends not to get me anything this year as I don’t want to do Xmas without jim 
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@Misprint hi I am so very sorry for your loss and the heartbreak you are going through. All I can say is I understand your pain and I truly am sorry you are going through this horrendous journey. Keep posting on here you will find support and people that understand. This community is very caring and supportive. Stay safe and take care sending hugs x
You have expressed everything I’m feeling,even the pouncing in my chest
Don’t know how to get through this it’s to painful,I can’t do Christmas without Steve to many lovely memories,never get over this,hoping to get some sleep tonight,only managing a couple of hours,but I also dread mornings, never thought I could cry so much
Take care
Christine x
Sending you love christine38 and casey1 thanks for all your kind words. Seems I’m not goin to get much sleep just cry cry cry where do all the tears come from . All the best take care x😪
I feel exactly the same what was it all for building a life together and now it’s meaningless without the man you love and Xmas it’s heartbreaking and torturous there’s so much sadness for all of us thinking of everyone at such a difficult time xx
I have managed a few hours sleep but awake now fel like someone has punched me in my stomach, feel sick with anxiety,worrying about everything,I need my husband didn’t realise how much I depended on Steve to keep me safe,never been on my own before,what a heartbreaking life this has become feel so vulnerable
Christine x
Sadly it doesn’t get better just more manageable.
Believe me, I hear you all, I know it doesn’t feel like it can be any different.
I remember saying exactly the same thing about the home becoming just a house…… I have to say 9 months on I am starting to feel more at ease at home, not happy but knowing it’s now become my safe haven.
Next year my step son is going to be a dad for the first time, in away it gave me a sense of purpose, a focus. I need to step up and be the grand parent that Martin so wanted to be.
Our life’s will always be full of bitter sweet moments.
Take care everyone
Dee
Xxx
Christine
I lost my husband on the 25th of July this year, he was 61 & it was a sudden unexpected death, a massive shock.
I developed extreme anxiety that was getting worse & worse, I was frozen by fear & felt constantly sick all the time. My doctor has given me beta blockers, I have been on them for 2 weeks now & I can’t tell you how much better I feel, the anxiety has disappeared, I feel calm & able to cope with things far better. My head feels clear & I can think straight at last.
Have a word with your doctor, there is help out there, you don’t have to suffer like that x
I have horrible pains in my chest too with a pounding heart. If I think about the future everything becomes overwhelming. I had my life planned with Antonio, we were married for 3 months and had planed to buy a house and start a family next year. All that has gone now. It has only been 6 weeks but I’ve found making plans to do something each day helps. I take it week by week and make sure I have something to do otherwise I won’t get out of bed. Even if it’s just going for a walk, putting one foot in front of another helps. I spoke to a counsellor yesterday who said finding pleasure in anything right now is too high on the scale, all I can hope for is distractions. So that’s what I’ll do. I’ve also made a list of everything we had talked about doing and have plans to try and tick each thing off. I know he is with me so I’ll do everything for him. When he was in hospital he said he wanted to take me out and celebrate the beginning of our married lives with a nice meal and champagne. I have plans to do exactly this with the money from his last pay slip. I know it’s sad and heartbreaking but I find comfort in trying to live for the both of us.
It feels as if I had wrote this I feel the very same the house is empty without out other halves I will never been the same and I agree it will never be ok my husband was looking forward to getting his pension this year and we had plans friends and family do not understand and they say they are there for you but how can they be when you can not phone them when you in a hole they would get fed up with it they tell me I’m doing well I’m not just a show as I know that is what they want sending hugs to all on here xx
I feel what you feel in every way. The day my wife passed is the thing keep coming back in my mind accompanied by piercing heartache, its intensity not diminishing 9 months later today. I hate xmas. I even hate god and there is in no way I celebrate thing like that. Take care.
Thanks Keskal,I always said I wouldn’t take any antidepressants,but tod
ay has been unbearable,crying all day,my anxiety is very high worrying over everything,Steve was always there to calm me I’m lost without him,feel I’m being tortured,don’t know how to get through this.My husband passed away 10 weeks ago after 4weeks in critical care very unexpected surgery needed still can’t believe this happened, we were married nearly 52yrs,first time I’ve been on my own, I I have a phone call due with a doctor next week will ask about the tablets you mentioned
None of us deserve all this anguish so many going through this
Look after yourself
Christine x
It is all too much I think, the loss we feel combined with everyone else’s excitement about Christmas, it’s all so overwhelming.I wrapped my kids gifts last week and cried all the way through thinking of every other year before when I would wrap them at night and my hubby would write all the tags. It also dawned on me that I will have to do the Christmas stockings on my own this year and all the little festive jobs that were his, and I just want to pull the duvet over my head and not come out until next year. You’re right it will never get better or be alright xx
You have done well to wrap the presents I have not managed yet and like you I will be in floods years it is all too much like you I would like to pull the duvet over me dread the thought of new year knowing it will never be the same I will try and be strong for the grandchildren it’s going to be very tough can not believe we are going through this we was too young our anniversary is in 20th would have been 46 yrs love to all xxx
I feel your pain it is coming upto 9 months since I lost Gail, she was only 49 and I am 46 and feel totally robbed. Whilst I have.3 amazing daughters and am blessed I cannot do Christmas without Gail. There are no words but please keep talking wherever you can.
Damien
xx
I feel the same about Xmas, how does life carry on without our other half xx
Hi Misprint, I’m so very sorry for your loss. I lost my wife back in March this year from cancer, I wish I could say it gets easier but it doesn’t, all I can say is try and celebrate Jim’s life, just little thing’s to remember him by, I have written a book about my life with Ria my wife, how we met, the highs the lows etc., I found this very beneficial, when writing about her it was almost like she was with me. With Christmas on the horizon, I understand how you must be feeling, just deal with christmas how you feel, don’t beat yourself up on how your feeling, if you don’t want to celebrate Christmas this year, then don’t, me personally I have put some decorations up because my wife loved Christmas so much, I’ve done this to honour her memory. I have turned down christmas day offers with family, I feel better for this first Christmas without her to stay at home and celebrate with her. As I say do what you feel is right, don’t run before you can walk, you won’t ever get over it, but you will eventually learn to deal with it, stay safe, look after yourself and don’t give up.
It never gets better, the tears never stop, although they do get less, you learn to put a brave face on, and build a different way of living, or as I say it’s just an existence, till my time comes to join my darling Henry on the other side, but till then I’ll help anyone I can, because nobody knows how devastating it is till they experience it, I am now 1 year 3 months without my Henry, and it’s as if it was yesterday.
My partner died suddenly at the beginning of November and I’m experiencing all those feelings. I want to cancel the festive season but am trying for my son.
I cry all the time, mornings are the worst time I wake up and the truth hits me . The pain is visceral, my whole body aches for him. The plans we made are unravelling day by day and everything at home reminds me of what I’ve lost. I’ve cancelled everything I regularly attend, I can find no pleasure in things I previously enjoyed and I can’t see the future as anything other than empty. My close friends have been kind and very supportive but I cant cope with normality at the moment. I have seen very close friends who understand and just let me talk but have had to avoid a couple of people who told me I need to stop crying and get on with my life or worse that I will meet someone else. I know it is kindly meant but it doesn’t help. Each person is unique, he was perfect for me , the love of my life.
I’ve lost a lot of weight, don’t feel hungry but I’m making myself eat for the sake of close family who are worrying about me. I can’t believe that this pain will ever go away, time heals feels meaningless.
I’m sorry for your loss everything you say is what we are all going through and we’re here for each other and you’re right people say the daftest things because they don’t know or understand , take care of yourself and take each hour at a time and avoid people that don’t make you feel comforted, it’s ok to say you don’t want to see them this is about you and you’ll find out who your real friends are, your family have been devastated, it’s monumental especially for you, my loss was in august and I’m not really doing Xmas just a few presents for my three year old grandson, my adult sons live with me and I’ve explained to them that I don’t want to, we talk about my husband all the time look through photos and just had his birthday but have only been able to do this months later, at the beginning all I could do was wail and cry and you’re right the physical pain is excruciating even my teeth hurt, be kind to yourself and say what you want, I feel sorrow for your family so near to Xmas hopefully it will bring you all closer together, thinking of you love and hugs xx