Broken just so broken

My 27 year old beautiful son Joseph. An adored life taken from us in a millisecond. Life was plodding on just so normally and safe . Then a policeman at the door and the thing you have been terrified of since the moment they were born happens. My joe was hit by a truck driver on 1st march. Killed. Killed!! Just saying it makes my body convulse. He was beautiful. A father to Eryn whose three. A brother and best friend to Tom and Louise… Planning to be married in 2 years to his beautiful german girlfriend Just started a new job. A songwriter, talented guitar player, family joker handsome long hair kind, sweet, loving, caring, soft spoken, placid, uniquely wonderful boy, my son, my friend. I am destroyed. How do we survive? Everyday seems pointless and futile and the unhappiness and shock continues to engulf every second. I hate walking up as he realisation of this slips back into my reality. I look forward to sleeping if I can. Medication helps. In the last 5 years i have lost my beloved dad, my partners dad, my kids dad, my beloved auntie and now my youngest son. My emotional resources are depleted. How can I continue without him. How can I accept hes gone. This is not life.

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Hi Lauraj,

I have no way of helping you but I just wanted to say how sorry I am to read your post. Life is cruel, unfair and makes no sense at times. How can there be any reason for a 27 year old to die suddenly.
There are many people on this site though who gave lost children and I’m sure will be along soon to help you by letting you know how they are coping. You arent alone although you probably feel it.

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Hi Laura. Afraid I don’t usually reply to losing a child as I have never been in that situation but I did lose my husband and never in my wildest dreams did I realise how it would affect me. Neither had I ever understood what such a loss can do to you. So I have lost someone who was my soulmate and best friend therefore do know the heartbreak it brings with the loss.
Your description of your son is that of a wonderful hugely talented man who will be greatly missed by all who knew him, especially his family.
There is nothing anyone can say to you at this present time you will be in turmoil, lost and struggling to understand why such a lovely son has been taken from you. No one can answer that but slowly, so very slowly you will start to come back to regain your life once more. Some days will be sheer hell still, I won’t tell you they will go but other days you will realise that you have coped reasonably well and a light will come at the end of the tunnel. How you cope, no one can tell you that either, we are all different and have to find our own way through the darkness of grief and learn to accept it. Grieve for as long as you need to. Perhaps Eryl will be able to help you. Or let Tom and Louise give you support when they feel ready themselves, and never forget that you have two other children that need their Mum. Only you know how you will want to get through this.
But can I suggest that you stay with the forum and talk about your son to people that have also lost a child and you can all help each other, that is what the forum does. It props us up at a time when we are sinking.
My thoughts are with you.

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Dear Lauraj

Im so sorry you’ve lost your son Joe. He sounds wonderful :broken_heart: I lost my younger son Henry on the 20th October 2019, he was thirty. He was a Dad too.
There’s not much I can say to help you, that agony and disbelief will ease. The feeling of loss for me has not, I miss Henry very much. However I do have long spells of coping well…something I could never imagine happening.

I have another son, grandchildren and a husband (My boys Dad died). I’ve siblings and my parents are still alive.
I’ve got lovely friends too :heart:

Since Henry died, We’ve lost more family. In January my nephew took his own life and then in March this year, his mother died of Covid19. She was fighting cancer but still was taken too soon. We’ve had enough death in our families :cry:

I’m thinking of you and hope you have a strong network around you. Try and rest and don’t expect too much of yourself. Take it each hour at a time.

We’re all here for you. Warm wishes.

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Hi Laura ,I’m so very very sorry to hear about your son Joseph.Im not someone who’s going to say I know how you feel because I can’t.I lost my son Thomas 4 years ago under differnt circumstances,he was 22 when he got diagnosed with terminal cancer he lived until he was 23.Your world has come crashing down devastated most days you probably can’t get out bed.Grief comes in such massive waves,my road as been so difficult I would say I was crushed broken I’m 4 years on ,there’s not a day I don’t think about my beautiful boy,I’m now getting up and seeing the world as I see it.Please tread carefully take each day as it comes.xx

My God! I cannot imagine your grief. We lost our younger daughter last July. She had a lung condition but lived a normal life and had a young daughter . They had their first holiday in 10 years this time last year and picked up a virus. She ended up on a form of life support called ECMO for 54 days. At least we were able to be with her and talk to her for 6 weeks of that time but she then developed Sepsis and we lost her. I feel blessed that we had that time with her and feel desperately sad for parents on this site who have lost children in tragic circumstances. There are no words anyone can say that will mean anything to you. Grief has no time limit but we do find a way to live . Are you getting support from a bereavement councillor? In your circumstances it may help.
Take care of yourself and wish you peace.
With love Kate xx

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