Sorry I’m new to this don’t know what I’m doing. Not new to bereavement though been struggling for 20 years



It’s hard to know what to say. Is it one bereavement you’re struggling with, or a whole series?

I am both unlucky and lucky in one way: my father died when I was 7, and I watched my mother grieve for him for the rest of her life. She’d go round and round in circles, she’d be doing something normal, such as peeling potatoes, then suddenly she’d say, ‘I’ve just realised that I was married for 27 years, and soon I’ll have been a widow for 27 years’. The only person she voiced her feelings to was her sister and then me.

My father died in the 1960s, things were different then. There wasn’t the support then that there is now.

You’ve taken a very important step by coming here. I hope that, in time, you will find the help that you need to escape the cycle of entrapment that results when you for whatever reason don’t get the help that you need.

Even 20 years ago, things were different. Now it can be as simple as young to your GP and saying that you feel broken by grief. There are a lot of people who feel that way. Sue Ryder offers free online counselling, which helps you to do the same thing.

I’m up now because there’s a buzzing fan in my bedroom en-suite that is driving me nuts. I got an email from my neighbour last night saying it was driving them nuts too. I managed to disconnect mine, and emailed them to say that. They apologised and said they’d fix it as soon as they got up.

A simple parable, but that’s life. I managed to get 6 hours sleep, I guess they slept somewhere else. Grief is the same. Try not to suffer in silence, try to talk to someone who can help.

This isn’t much, but I hope it helps you to realise that you are not alone. My husband died nearly 7 months ago. I was in shock, then I couldn’t stop crying, now I’m just beginning to see my way to the future without him.

If he’d been here, there would have been no problem with the fan. He would have fixed it or asked the neighbours to fix theirs. So many what ifs, so many never agains.

My dogs have seen me through, our dogs and friends and very good GPs, and a psychiatric nurse who comes to see me or phones me regularly. I have a mild sort of PTSD because of the way my husband died. It’s tough, but it’s slowly unravelling.

All I can do is tell you that I’m thinking of you, and I wish I could do more. There are no easy answers, but at least you are here.

Christie xxx

Thank you for your message it means so much that someone has taken time to reply to me. The first loss I experienced was nearly 21 years ago, my beautiful nan who was really more like a mother to me as my mam was only 16 when she had me so she was still a baby herself really. After that first loss everything just seemed to go down hill. In the space of the next 7 years I lost my remaining 3 grandparents, my uncle, my 25 year old cousin and my friend’s 18 year old son whom I was really close to. Obviously had other bereavements throughout the years, friends and family but I think the one that finally broke me was my auntie / best friend who passed suddenly 2 years ago. It was such a big shock and I just can’t come to terms with it. I. So sorry for everything you have been through as well, I realise I’m not the only one going through all this but it just consumes me. Thank you again for taking the time to talk to me and share some of your story and know I’m here if you need to talk xxx

Hi love i here you i lost my best friend last august then my dad in october then my mum in feb just gone i just cant come to terms with it love im so lost and feel alonexxx

So sorry for everything you have been through it’s horrible and nothing anyone can say or do makes it better. The world is so cruel but just know that even though you feel alone there are others on here that understand what you are going through. It doesn’t take the pain and loneliness away but sometimes it helps just to write things down. I only joined a couple of days ago but feeling slightly better just knowing I’m not the only one going through all this. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply to me xxx

Thank you you seem such a lovely erson if you ever want to chat im here love i have my hubby but he dont really know how i feel big hugs love jill what your name are you from ukxxx

Awh thank you. I’m the same, got my husband and my son but don’t want to burden them. My name is Rae and I’m in the UK. Here anytime you need a chat xxx

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