Hi I have been following you all for nearly a year now and just could not put into words what I am feeling, and read all your updates feeling the same as you all. it will be a year tomorrow since I lost my soulmate Rich and I am all over the place. Lonely, can’t speak, can’t leave the house except to go to work, can’t socialise, hate life and everyone and everything in it. I feel forgotten by my Doctor the mental health team my daughter and my friends, but at the same time I can’t communicate with them on any level, please am I going mad am I unworthy of help xox
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Hi Tracy8
The answer is a resounding no. You are not going mad and you are totally worthy of help and understanding. Until someone has been through the devastating loss that you have been through they cannot even begin to understand. It’s hard to communicate, something we used to do so naturally before. I wish there was something I could say that would help. My husband of nearly fifty years died coming up to seven months ago and I still can’t believe he is not here. I also do not like the life I have and can’t see it getting any better. I hope tomorrow is bearable for you and will be thinking of you. Hold tight.x
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Hi Tracy8
No one is unworthy of love, understanding and help and you must never think otherwise. I just think that your family and friends just don’t realise how devastating your loss of Rich is. It is not something that after a given time goes away, it will be with you forever.
I lost Ian over 14 months ago now after being together for over 40 years. Initially I was surrounded by support and understanding but that has faded away over time. In one way I am stronger but my sadness and sense of loss is now more profound. I just can’t see a way of how I can live the rest of my life like this. Ian was my soulmate and so my life has gone for ever.
Perhaps you might consider counselling which you can access through this site or GP. Whatever you decide, you are not going mad but grieving for Rich and the loss of both your futures.
It is a long , hard road we are on and sadly, we can often feel alone and dismissed. On this site, you will be among friends who won’t dismiss you or feel you are not worth it.
Look after yourself,
Juliex
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Bless you @Loobyloo2 thank you 
and to you too just not used to feeling the anger that seems to have taken me over and scared of it too xox
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Dear Julie thank you it means so much to have you here xox Is being so angry normal too it is so unlike me 
Dear Tracy
I am usually quite a quiet and placid person and Ian and I never used to argue etc. So I really shocked myself when one evening I found myself just screaming ‘why!’ over and over again with tears running down my face. That was completely out of character for me and has happened several times now.
I suppose the loss of our partners will change us in many ways so don’t you worry about the anger you feel. I’ve read that anger is a normal reaction and hits different people at different times.
You are just reacting to a situation that is horrendous and you never wanted so you have every reason to be angry.
Be kind to yourself Tracy,
Julie x
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Oh Julie thank you I needed that so much I scared myself I wish with all my heart the we were not going through this pain xox sending you love 
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Hi Tracy, sorry you are feeling like you are, and everyone is worthy of help, including you, no matter what, there is help out there, reach out on here when you feel like it as we all understand what you are going through, some days I’m still banging the walls and worktops asking myself why me why me so you are not on your own, Take Care Mickere x
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Hi @mickere,
Thank you some of that awful anger has gone today at least the pain is still there but I couldn’t deal with the anger i was feeling. I have been to put flowers and a balloon on Rich’s grave and spending time there. Thank you again and sending hugs to you xox
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Hi Tracy8
What you are feeling is perfectly normal, your loss is still so very raw. I lost my lovely wife Sue in July this year and the loss and heartache is still so overwhelming I feel like I’m suffocating at times. I’ve joined a bereavement group recently and the course will last six weeks, it’s tailored to to try and help you understand the grief and learn to live with it. I must admit I’ve only had one session so far but talking face to face with others in the same situation has helped me a little bit. I’m staying at my daughters this weekend and was going through photos of my wife with my daughter and I just burst into floods of tears again. Dealing with the tremendous loss is so difficult for us all, I really feel for you and so understand what you are going through. All of us on this forum are with you through this terrible journey. Dave2 x
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Thank you so much and I wish we were all in a different place xox
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