Broken

I am reaching out the only way I know how.

No one seems to understand that the loss of my grandad is causing a pain that I cannot cope with.

I have 3 children all under 18 who are struggling, particularly my daughter (13) and we had a lot of family issues prior to this which have now been put aside because I can’t get out of the pain.

My boys (10 / 8) are asking what the point of life is ( I have reached out to Jeremiah’s Journey for them) and my daughter who was also really close to my grandad is broken (luckily her school have been amazing).

I just don’t know how to carry on. I know I have to but I don’t know how. I have been doctors I spoke with bereavement teams and I just hope writing things down will help me understand.

He died on Christmas Eve and although he had a panic / fall button he didn’t use it. He just gave up.

Grandad was very spiritual so I am trying to hold onto the fact he is here somewhere but I can’t. He left me.

The family just seem to care about the money, selling his house and I just want him back. I know it’s not possible.

My nanny died 10 years ago of cancer so I have no one now. The rest of my family think I am the ‘strong one’ and although I’ve reached out they just say ‘it will be ok’ - it doesn’t feel like it will.

Anyway thanks for reading and I have started a journal in search for a patchwork repair.

Hello @kimberley3,

Thank you for reaching out. I’m so sorry for the loss of your grandad.

You might want to read some of the recent threads on our Losing a grandparent category - you will find other members there who will sadly understand some of what you’re going through.

It sounds like you’ve been really proactive in recognising how hard you are finding this and in getting extra support. I’m glad your children are getting support, too. You may also wish to contact Winston’s Wish who I know many of our members have found to be a great help. Winston’s Wish provides grief and bereavement support for children and young people (up to 25) after the death of someone important. They have a helpline that you can call free on 08088 020 021 between 8am-8pm, weekdays. They also have a live chat feature on their website.

I’m sure someone will be along to share their thoughts too, but I just wanted you to know that you have been heard and are not alone.

Take care,
Seaneen

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only Time heals these wounds. and it often takes years and some more years. all you can do is suffer through it. loss is suffering - there is no way around it. we must feel this pain and sadness though we do not want to, as it is part of life. sometimes, life is like that - hard and sad. but eventually, better days come.