No one seems to understand that the loss of my grandad is causing a pain that I cannot cope with.
I have 3 children all under 18 who are struggling, particularly my daughter (13) and we had a lot of family issues prior to this which have now been put aside because I can’t get out of the pain.
My boys (10 / 8) are asking what the point of life is ( I have reached out to Jeremiah’s Journey for them) and my daughter who was also really close to my grandad is broken (luckily her school have been amazing).
I just don’t know how to carry on. I know I have to but I don’t know how. I have been doctors I spoke with bereavement teams and I just hope writing things down will help me understand.
He died on Christmas Eve and although he had a panic / fall button he didn’t use it. He just gave up.
Grandad was very spiritual so I am trying to hold onto the fact he is here somewhere but I can’t. He left me.
The family just seem to care about the money, selling his house and I just want him back. I know it’s not possible.
My nanny died 10 years ago of cancer so I have no one now. The rest of my family think I am the ‘strong one’ and although I’ve reached out they just say ‘it will be ok’ - it doesn’t feel like it will.
Anyway thanks for reading and I have started a journal in search for a patchwork repair.
Thank you for reaching out. I’m so sorry for the loss of your grandad.
You might want to read some of the recent threads on our Losing a grandparent category - you will find other members there who will sadly understand some of what you’re going through.
It sounds like you’ve been really proactive in recognising how hard you are finding this and in getting extra support. I’m glad your children are getting support, too. You may also wish to contact Winston’s Wish who I know many of our members have found to be a great help. Winston’s Wish provides grief and bereavement support for children and young people (up to 25) after the death of someone important. They have a helpline that you can call free on 08088 020 021 between 8am-8pm, weekdays. They also have a live chat feature on their website.
I’m sure someone will be along to share their thoughts too, but I just wanted you to know that you have been heard and are not alone.
only Time heals these wounds. and it often takes years and some more years. all you can do is suffer through it. loss is suffering - there is no way around it. we must feel this pain and sadness though we do not want to, as it is part of life. sometimes, life is like that - hard and sad. but eventually, better days come.
Wow this is like reading about myself…
Everything from your feelings, your children, I have 2 similar ages to yours and they have reacted the same way, the permanent feeling ‘but he left me’ is like a monkey on my back…
it’s been just over 2 years for me, he was my hero he raised me and died in my arms from a long battle with lung cancer which is the most evil way to go, it just took him.
I laid with his body for 6 hours screaming at coroners refusing to let them take him. Later on attempting to make some sort of light of it I said I’d be like them crazy people u see in films living with the body…
I’ve completely changed as a person I truely believe I died with him n the only reason that didn’t literally happen was my children.
I instantly felt less alone reading your story hope mine has done the same x
I feel like reading everyone’s experiences has definitely made me feel less alone.
I can relate very deeply - Especially because I feel similarly - the day my grandad died was the day the person who I was died with him. I know without a shadow of a doubt I will never be truly happy again - I’ll never get back those days of peace. The agony is sometimes unbearable. He died very suddenly from cardiac arrest and I think of all the regrets I have.
Like you both I just want him back. I just want to see my beautiful grandads face again.
I’m very sorry for your losses Lolly and Kimberley - I think sometimes people don’t truly understand the impact grief has on your life - your future.
Thank you for you sharing your grief because it truly has made me feel like the world is a little bit less lonely.
Thank you for sharing your story. I couldn’t even go into the room but my family specified every detail. I just don’t want to believe he is gone.
I went to book a holiday today to try and look forward I walked in and guess what the name of the person who booked our holiday was …. Lesley . My grandads name Leslie …
I wasn’t sure if it was a sign or a heart wrenching truth that life goes on…
As soon as she wrote her name I said I just needed to go out to cry. She really didn’t know how to react.
I took my children to Jeremiah’s journey 2 days ago , they all pretty much said they are worried about talking about him because all I do is cry and I am always sad, that hit me hard! But it’s true. He took me with him. I feel dead inside.