I lost my brother a couple of years ago, it was sudden and I still feel guilty he was alone when he died, I didn’t get to see him at peace so I have struggled to drum it into my head that I will never see him again, obviously I know he’s gone but I still imagine he will pop up
One day and say he’s been away and couldn’t contact us. Am I going mad?


Hello @Melissa4,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your brother. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,


Hi, I have just joined this group, I understand how you feel, I lost my brother suddenly last July, I didn’t get to see him as we was not able to go as he passed away at home alone, maybe a couple of days before he was found. I feel so guilty as I was the last person to speak to him the week before ,tried calling him but phone was off, I just wish I had contacted his work for them to check on him earlier and maybe he would still be here, he was only 62 only 2 years older than me, we was close even though we didn’t see each other that often as he lived in Kent I live up north, but I rang him every week without fail. I just can’t stop thinking about him being on his own at the end and how long he was feeling poorly ,if he was in any pain etc , questions that no one has been able to answer and it plays on my mind all the time, so I understand how you feel, just hope that in time we can both learn that there was nothing we could do and try and move on, but so hard at the moment, I know people seem to think it’s been 6 months and I need to get over it ,they just don’t understand, sending my support to you take care

Hi Jenny, thanks for replying. Very similar to my brother home alone few days. It was problems with his heart that none of us knew about he was only 44. I know he would want me to be happy and I’m sure your brother is the same. I think when you get to visit them at rest it gives you closure but because I didn’t it doesn’t seem real. After 4 years I know he’s not coming back and I have more good days than bad

Yeah very similar. My brother had a massive stroke brought on by very high blood pressure, so think it was quite quick but still majes me wonder how poorly he was before and didnt say anything, i lost my sister 9 years ago but we was all with her when she passed and she had been poorly for years , although i miss her every day i did manage to get on with things easier. I know he would be saying stop worrying but its nit easy , its so so sad when we loose them so young. Glad you are having better days now sending you ongoing support

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Hope you ok, nice to chat to someone who knows how it feels. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s been 6 month get over it. I still have dark days but like I say less and less as time goes on and I think they leave us little signs to know they are ok. Your brother will be with your sister now

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Thank you so much ,yes i think they do .

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Hi Melissa,
I lost my brother in December a day after his 50th birthday whilst he was abroad. He had heart failure and it was completely unexpected… I still can’t believe he’s gone and struggling to accept it.

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It’s very hard when it’s so unexpected and so young ,sorry for your loss

He had so much to live for including a young daughter. . Such a horrible and pointless waste.

So sorry, life is horrible i think loosing a sibling is harder that your parents ,well thats what i have found lost both parents my sister 9 years ago and my hrother last july ,he was also very young only 2 years younger than me ,he was 62, we just have to tey and think ofvthe goid times we had with them, at least we have this group which i have found a great comfort

I think you are probably right.

Especially when there’s no signs or expectation.

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Sorry for your loss, it’s so hard to accept it’s been 4 year for me so have accepted I think some days it hits like a ton of bricks x I get through knowing how much he would want me to be happy and try to stay strong to make him proud

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Thats all we can do

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It’s never going to be enough is it.

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I know just keep talking it does help we are all here for each other sending you support through the rough times

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I agree it helps being on here. How much has it helped you?

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I am very new too this someone told me about it x think it’s helped to get things out of my head

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Its helped a great deal as i was beginning to think it was just me thinking the way i do, my family seem to all be coping as far as i know but when i get upset they just say you have to get on with things ,but i have found it hard as i still have unanswered questions ,but i know that lots of people are feeling the same and they understand how i feel which makes me feel better, it may be strange iam not sure but i still text him every week and chat to him even though i know he wont answer ,just my way of still talking to him

Yeah i agree it helps you work through things its easier talking to people that are not family sometimes