9th of december marked the one year anniversary of my big brothers passing. I thought time was supposed to heal but it only seems like a prolonged torment. I still see him lying in that morgue everywhere i look n the sudden hit of the smell. I feel not only am i haunted but like a row boat with only one ore turning in circles in the dark.
He was a tormented soul fighting internal demons but it feels as his internal fight has become my permenate woken nightmare.
Knowing he will forever just be a memory has become my own internal hell.
I am so sad to hear this. You need to somehow replace those awful memories with some happier ones, easier said than done of course. Do you have other family members you can talk to? It is such a burden to bear on your own.