I found my husband of 46 years on the floor when I woke up on 10th October, he had suffered a heart attack in the night. He had always said he wanted to be buried next to his father in his homeland (Algeria), so by the end of day one I was having to navigate his Repatriation. I am very lucky to have two daughters and a son who have been with me every step of the way as there seemed to be one obstacle after another that we had to fight through. It took three weeks to organise everything with one week delay being the coroners in this country. His coffin missed a connecting flight in Istanbul which delayed the funeral by a day and a nephew had to go in front of a Judge to get his body released as the paperwork to accompany a deceased person is only valid for 24 hours. The funeral itself lasted three days and was so emotionally draining as there was a constant stream of people we did not know talking to us in Algerian dialect which we don’t really understand. Women are not allowed at the burial but an exception was made for us as we are English, we were allowed to see the coffin being lowered into the grave, say our prayers, and then we had to leave whilst the men actually buried the coffin, (the family actually dig the grave themselves and bury the body in the town he came from which we were not aware of beforehand). My son was given a shovel and had to fill the grave in alongside a crowd of men - he was distraught and I don’t know how he managed to cope. On Saturday we had a Celebration of Life here in England to say our goodbye’s which was lovely but now the void that is the rest of my life is here. I am really struggling with the fact that I left the love of my life buried on a mountainside thousands of miles away. I know we carried out his wishes but I feel so lost and so so sad that I can’t easily go back to visit his grave.
Pidge, I am so very sorry that your husband died. I am sorry that you can not easily visit his grave and that your son’s heritage required him to help fill his father’s grave.
You honored your husband by fulfilling his wishes and you should take comfort in that. Your son honored his father by performing his duty as the son of an Algerian father. He is proud of both of you.
You needn’t go to a grave to talk to your husband, he is right there with you. Talk to him out loud, ask him to send you a sign, a message that he is okay. You may be surprised at the response.
Much love.
Thanks for your comments PeachesDixon.
Your husband will be with you everyday, in your heart, in your thoughts and in your children.
Your love for him won’t diminish.
You should be proud you’ve carried out his wishes and shown such strength. I can’t imagine how that must have been for you all.
Take time to look after yourself now xx
I really understand. My partner and I lived in Norway (neither of us are from here), but he is from the US so his mom is taking him back there…I’m so sad. I miss him so so greatly. 
Dear Pidge 1 I am sorry to hear your dear husband has died and you don’t have a grave in the UK to visit and mourn My husband died last year on a visit to his home country Uganda I was not with him So after discussing it with everyone we agreed to allow a traditional burial in his home town in Northern Uganda Neither myself or our son could attend and all we have now from the funeral is a video of the ceremony
This looked so different from anything I have ever experienced in the UK I have no grave to visit either and as cremation was not culturally acceptable I have no ashes Over the past year I have begun to accept the situation and made a little shrine in the UK and I still speak to him whenever I want when I visit it
Like you I miss my husband so much and but am grateful for the years we were together As people travel more these types of situations will be more common At present most people don’t understand when you try to explain how people have very different rituals and ceremonies in other cultures.Even some have been quite unkind and I have often felt misunderstood and excluded
Be patient with your feelings you will slowly get more used to your new situation It is not easy to recover from such a sad loss
Hope you find peace Like me I am sure your life was enriched by your marriage to someone from another country I think we are both fortunate to have had such interesting lives Blessings Take care of yourself