My husband Chris passed away 16 months ago. We were married 47 years. He died from his second Glioblastoma- brain tumour. I have looked at messages at times and found them really helpful. I feel stuck , although busy ( I am 70! ) a loneliness and sadness has come over me these past few weeks which I cannot life myself out off. Family are good, I have no complaints but it’s sad and lonely!
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Dear LilMaud I am sorry to hear that you are feeling lonely. I am glad that you have a good family around you but it is difficult for family to understand just how incredibly difficult it is to lose your loved one. The emptiness is unbearable and it is very difficult to find people who understand that. I don’t know what I would have done if it weren’t for this site as it is such a comfort being part of a group that cares about you. I hope you find some solace here too. A lot of people here have also found it beneficial to join bereavement groups or walking with grief groups as the people also understand what you are going through. Wishing you all the best
Tom
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Dear Tom,
Thank you for your supportive message. It helps to share with others on this site. It is difficult for people to understand, and I had no idea how hard it can be prior to my bereavement.
Thank you for your encouragement.
Sandra
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Dear Lilimaud
I’m sorry you too have lost your husband, it’s our worst nightmare. I’m afraid I don’t have an answer to the sadness and loneliness, I’m not sure that it will ever leave us completely.
All I can say is staying busy helps me, less time to think. I have been to a couple of bereavement groups one of which is lovely. I also went to a catty café but that wasn’t so good. The bereavement group I go to isn’t at all glum and there is a councillor there if you want to speak in private.
Reading posts on here has given me lots of ideas to try when I move (currently selling my house) talking tables, walking groups, university of the third age. I am also planning on getting a dog.
I know you have been reading current posts but have you searched through older posts for things that might interest you? There are some amazing people here with lots of good advice, all have been where we are.
I hope you continue to post, I’m so glad I did.
Take care, Helen x
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Hi All
My husband died just 6 weeks ago and up to now things have seemed to be busy with lots of support etc, the funeral was just a couple of weeks ago - I have some wonderful family and friends but now things seem so empty without my husband and best friend to whom I could talk about anything to - all our plans for the future have disappeared. I have a dog who gets me up and out and he is a godsend.
It seems as though you have to put on a brave face when out etc and people ask how you are and you say fine !!! Even with people around it is so lonely, my Mum died earlier this year as well so the two people who are totally on your side have both gone. I know it is very early days but so many people say how hard it is for many years and the prospect is so scary.
Just trying to take a day at a time but if anything it is harder now than at the beginning, I cared for my husband for 10 months, he was virtually bed ridden with terminal cancer but he was so pragmatic and accepting. I think of the 28 brilliant years we had together and am so grateful but its so hard.
I know its one step at a time !
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Hi Sophie the first six weeks for me were hell, really the first three months but things did start to improve after that. It’s now almost six months since my wife died and there’s no comparison, I still cry most days but it’s only on some days that I feel down and depressed often at a weekend. The loneliness is a problem and something I will have to work on.
I have found doing exercise to be very beneficial being tired physically is a help and being out in nature is good for the mind. Fortunately this site has given me a lot of help being able to speak to people who understand is a blessing which I hope you also will be able to benefit from
Wishing you all the strength you will need
Tom
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Thank you so much Helen, I think you are right to keep busy. I might try to find a bereavement group. Best wishes. Sandra
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Dear Sophie
I’m so sorry you have lost your husband too and so recently. It’s been nearly a year since my wonderful husband died suddenly.
There are good days ahead but nothing is ever the same again. I think you get used to hiding how you really feel. People telling you about their holidays or moaning about their partners, it’s easier just to smile.
I also try not to think too much about the future. Only one day at a time and I’m doing my best are what I tell myself daily.
Joining this site has helped me enormously, I hope you get some comfort from it too x
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Dear Sandra
Don’t be put off if the first one you go to isn’t for you. The first one I went to I left as soon as I could. I hope you find one you feel comfortable with x
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Hi Sandra,
So sorry for the loss of your beloved husband.
My auntie passed away after 4 months of her diagnosis of glioblastoma and it’s such an awful disease so just wanted to send you a big hug x
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Thank you for your understanding message. Like you I looked after Chris and he was so gracious and never complained, which is such a bonus. Sometimes the important thing is to function in the basic things and then you do have lighter moments when you are able to do a bit more. Thank you.
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