My wife of 41 years passed away nine weeks ago, we were soul mates and over the last six years or so,pretty much constant companions.
For the first two months i thought i was coping , felt like i was doing well, now suddenly for some reason i find myself overwhelmed with sadness and struggling to get the sadness from the front of my mind. People would say that i was functioning on a day to day basis, which i am, being alone with my thoughts is a different thing, just for the record i have no suicidal thoughts or anything near that, i think i am just looking for input of other peoples experiences to help lift my mood, i have never by nature been a moody or depressed outlook type of person and would like to try and and find a way out of this constant sadness. People say, think of all your wonderful memories, but i am not ready for that, i still feel that we should be making more memories its like being robbed of something so precious that only i now the full value of!
I will appreciate any responses regarding others experiences.
Thanks.
Hi ,sorry for your loss . It’s 14 months since my husband died . I think at first you feel numb and then the reality hits you like a ton of bricks . This is your life now without partner . You don’t know how to live a life without them . You have that many thought in your mind . All the regrets all the what if,s all the hurt and worry on how to cope on your own . That’s how I felt and still feel . Posting on here has helped me a lot . The lovely caring people on this site understand and don’t judge . Please keep posting . Don’t know if my input has helped you .xtake carex
21 months ago today my husband suddenly collapsed out with the dog.
Some days I think I’m doing pretty good then others just total disbelief.
I have days I want to be on my own , other days I need company or a distraction. Good listening ears but no trivial crap conversations.
No rules or guidelines to follow, just do what feels right for yourself.
Take care
G. X
Hello @Jimbo1
I’m so sorry for your loss. I have to agree with @Broken2222…the first few months of numbness and it all feeling a bit surreal, coupled with having to sort out all the formalities & practicalities gives a strange sense of just about coping. Then as time moves on reality kicks in and you realise this is the new norm that none of us want.
It’s coming up 12 months since I lost my husband, he was 56. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster, some days are better than others. Much like you I have always been a relatively optimistic person, but it’s like carrying around a massive ball of sadness each day. I just try and go with it as opposed to fighting it, and making sure I’m looking after myself, i.e. eating properly, fresh air, walking, interacting with others…& of course taking it all one day at a time. Try not to give yourself a hard time about feeling low or sad, it’s counterproductive… your mood will probably fluctuate from day to day so like I say try and go with it.
It’s really hard and we would all rather we weren’t in this position, but know you are not alone. You take care. x
Lost my husband 4 months ago and initially was kept busy sorting through the formalities. I’ve tried hard to stay positive but this past week suddenly I feel very alone and sad. I put this down to the dark nights and most places full of Christmas and adverts promoting happy family times .
I sometimes go days without seeing or talking to anyone because I get sick of hearing “it’s early days” or “you’re doing really well”
There’s no kind of support groups near me, I keep seeing them but as soon as I look into them they’re all too far away.
I miss my husband so much it hurts and I wish he was here to hold my hand, give me a hug and tell me it’s going to be okay. All of us on this forum are here for the same reason so it’s a bit of a shoulder to cry on.
Sending some love to everyone
Jen x
Thanks for all the comments, it gives some sort of perspective to something there is no sort of measure for! I guess its just confirmation of what i already subconsciously know that needs bringing to the surface!
I am so sorry for your loss.
My husband died 14 weeks ago, after a five year battle with cancer. I felt I was just about coping and trying to make the best of each day, but today I am overwhelmed with grief again and in floods of tears,
My husband was amazingly positive and strong all throughout his diagnosis, in a way I feel I am letting him down by thinking that I cannot cope with my loss.
My family are so supportive but today I just wanted to be on my own.
I have only just joined this group but feel it is going to help a little.
Sending love to all on here and take care x
Hi ,sorry for your loss . I understand how you feel , I also feel as if I am letting my husband down . He was positive that he would get better . He was diagnosed in the march , wasn’t poorly , but the horrendous treatment made him very poorly .but he was still positive and thought once he got through that he would start to feel well again . It wasn’t to be . He was told beginning of September that cancer had spread . Everything seemed to go wrong and within two weeks he died . I do try each day ,I go to work , I am alright Infront of family .but when I’m alone . That’s when it all comes out . Knowing I won’t see him , kiss him ,or laugh with him again . Not in this life anyway . Posting on here does help me . I’m sure you also will find it helpful xtake carex
Knowing we will never see them again is the worst feeling.
G. X
Thank you so much for your reply. My husband died three days after my 66th birthday and three months after we were told the hospital could do no more.
Family are so supportive but evenings and weekends seem so hard to get through when you have lost your soulmate.
Like you say, so hard to accept you are never going to hold him again, have a kiss and a cuddle.
Take care x
I just hope and pray one day I might . When it’s my time to go . I have got to believe that it helps me . Xtake carex
We were both 59 . When husband died . We had been together since both 16 married almost 40 years . Husband had appointment for more chemo . But died that morning . We never talked about if one of us ever died . Thinking back now we should of . I’m just muddling through this life / existence I have now. I still have people living with me . But house is more like bedsit land . We all stay in our own bedrooms . I never thought I would survive without him . But I’m still here 14 months on . I really don’t know how . Xtake care x
Hi.there.my name is gordon cooper some people using my password buster 67 sorry for your loss I lost my partner Michelle cooper on 7 February found her bottom of stairs when I came home from work so tragic I could not do anything for her it’s been so hard since 15 years we were together I got a friend who means the world to me she is a special lady I say that with all my heart she done so much for me I have pushed her aside last few weeks which is so unfair to her said some harsh words which if god was watching strike me down now I feel so ashamed of myself it’s awful we are chatting again on messenger I explained to her that I have joined this site it is helping me so I think I can just about rescue situation hoping anyway
I am so sorry to hear of your loss.
I am sure your friend will understand the stress you have been under and you can renew your friendship.
Take care.
Thanks so much I will try that’s all. I can do got be honest with my feelings for her I know in my heart she is the one I want we shared so much together she. Had a hard life as well she had her hip broken by previous partner 6 years ago also she is carer for her dad for last 4 years so her mobility not very good but she muddles through my heart goes out to her really does
So sorry for your.loss I feel.the same I lost my partner Michelle cooper on the 7 February I found her bottom of the stairs when I came home from work nothing I could do for her she was fine at teatime I phoned from work at 4.55 pm came home 9.50 pm and found her so tragic this time of year was always going be hard dark nights Christmas is a lonely time I miss the hugs and chats 15 years together it’s hard to adjust to the situation I just joined this group I finding it helping me more positive now