I just joined this site last night. My mum died suddenly last week and we haven’t even had the funeral yet, so I know I am very early in this journey. I have some friends who also lost their mum before their time, and they have told me that things get easier to cope with in time.
I’m not sure now if I have made a mistake coming on here. I know I am not expecting to feel better for a long, long time, but I just wanted to feel like there was a little bit of hope to keep me going. I don’t know if perhaps there are people who have found that time does ease things. I suppose it makes sense that they wouldn’t need a forum like this so much, so we wouldn’t hear their stories as much as those of us who are still struggling.
In a way it has been a comfort to know that what I am experiencing is not unusual, and some of the posts here have described how I feel exactly. If there is anyone still here who has come through the other side, it would help me to know that it is at least possible.
I’m sorry for what everyone on here is going through. There are some truly heartbreaking stories, but I’m glad there is a place for people to share them, especially when we feel we can’t burden friends any more.
I would also like to know people thoughts, say after a year, 2 years. Personally, 4 months down the line after losing my Mum (to cancer at 71), I feel no better, worse if anything. The first few weeks I felt numb and in a way was relieved she was out of pain, but now it is just sadness and emptiness. Sorry this is not very encouraging for you but just giving you my personally feelings.
Hi Lila
I am so sorry of your loss.
I can only speak from my own personal experience of what it’s like to lose my mum so what I say won’t be any help. I’m not going to lie and say you’ll come to terms with what’s happened. You don’t come to terms with losing my mum. The grief will come In stages or it might just get worse. You might find a way to cope. You might have good or bad days. I’m sorry if this isn’t much help.
What I did do is tell me myself be kind to yourself look after your well being eat properly get plenty of sleep talk to friends or family about how you feel. I gravitated to friends well my only true friend who I always feel I can talk to. He’s been there for me. But beware of well meaning people who only want to know you when it suits them. I found this out after I lost my mum. I soon got them out of my life when I realised they were only there for me part time.
I take each day as it comes and cry so many tears over my mum but I also have days where I don’t cry. Job keeps me occupied thank god
You will probably be like me and have your good and bad days. I found that on the bad days I let it happen because no matter what I do or what I think I can’t fight how I feel it was only making me so much worse. On the good days I was feeling great. I’d play a happy song over and over again I’d still be thinking about my mum all the memories or just one memory it made my day so much better.
I am also facing a problem with my long standing partner who lost her mum that was like a mum to me. She refuses to unite in grief with me. I know why I put up with her stubbornness I love her to much to hurt her but maybe she does or she doesn’t realise she’s hurting me so much. I can’t deal with her hurt when I’m hurting. I want to have a heart to heart and maybe when I’m stronger I’ll be able to have that heart to heart. She’s got so much going on in her life with her beautiful granddaughter that I want to be a grandad to. I don’t want her life than what it already is. She knows I’ll do anything to support her like I do now
I wish you well Lila
Yes time passing helps. Losing your mother is unique tho. You can never explain the feeling. Totally different from any other loss. It’s now 32 years since I lost mine and I still think of her but without any pain. Justgtake one day at a time. It’s 2 steps forward and three back. I found planning her funeral to the finest detail helped
I’ve struggled with the time helps me with grief. This is a grief different to losing a pet or something of sentimental value. Losing my mum is a grief that’s indescribable
Hi @lostmylove, You are so right to advise @Lila to be involved in the planning of her mum’s funeral. When we loose someone we love so dearly we all dread the funeral as it seems so final. We lost our son 4 months ago and although devastated I wanted to be totally involved to give him the best possible funeral we could. With the help of a wonderful funeral director It was a true celebration of his life and gave us some comfort. It might sound strange but I look back and describe my sons funeral as lovely. He loved VW camper vans so he had a VW Campervan hearse and my other son drove another VW car we have behind the hearse. I know it’s difficult but try and make what is a really sad day into a true celebration of their life. A good funeral director will go out of their way to help you achieve this.