Can’t believe Dad has gone

I lost my dad in February and just can’t come to terms with the fact he’s gone. Following a fall, resulting in a broken hip, he was admitted to hospital but later died from pneumonia and decompensated heart failure. He was there six weeks, seemed to go up and down, but we thought he would recover. We received a call one Monday morning to say he was ‘going’ but we never got there in time and he died before we arrived.

I am devastated and can’t believe I never properly said goodbye. I can’t come to terms with the fact I will never see him again. I feel like my protector and provider has gone and I don’t feel safe… this is ridiculous as I am 40 not 4! Nothing else seems to matter any more; I just want to sit and think about him and cry. I am cross that life is just going on whilst I am lost :frowning:

Hi SarahON,

I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your Dad in February and that you’re feeling lost and devastated at the moment. It must have been difficult to see his health go up and down over 6 weeks that he was in hospital.

I do understand what you mean about not feeling safe. My Mum died 4 years ago when I was 43. I too was devastated as she was my best friend and made me feel safe. I remember going to the doctors and just sobbing, saying I felt scared. When the doctor asked me what I felt scared about I couldn’t tell her as I didn’t really know. I feel scared a lot less now but it still hits me sometimes, normally when I first wake up in the morning.

We can grieve in many different ways and it doesn’t matter what age we are. It’s not ridiculous for you to feel this.

It does seem that life is going on around us and other people carry on as normal and don’t care. That can absolutely make us cross as it feels very unfair. I remember that feeling too.

Do you have any close friends or family that you can talk to about how you’re feeling?

Take care & keep posting. Trudy x

Hi Sarah, i know how you feel I lost my step mum on 31st Jan and my dad on 13th Feb,
cant believe its happened one bad enough but two, its all like a bad dream not really happening, feel so lost everyone’s life is just normal and mine has been turned upside down, i don’t have any family around also so not easy with no support.
The thought of like you said never seeing them again, I looked after them nearly everyday, and now they have disappeared off the planet.x

Hi, I’m sorry to hear how you never had chance to say bye. I lost my Dad 4 years ago tomorrow and I still won’t accept He is not coming back. It’s devastating isn’t it because as like you he was everything to me, my hero, I’m 54 so please don’t feel ridiculous. Try not to think that you won’t see him again as that is too hard to deal with. Keep talking to him and if you ask him a question think in your head what his answer would be. They will be watching over us because our Dads are our first love. I hope you feel a bit better knowing that it doesnt matter what age you are you can still cry. I miss my Dad every single day, I cry all the time and my heart hurts, I have 2 children and 3 grandchildren and a husband yet I sometimes feel as if I am the child and what I need more than anything is to feel my dad’s arms around me as he is the only one who has ever made me feel safe and protected. Take care my lovely.

Thank you for your reply and support. I try to talk to him but it just makes me more upset to know I can’t hear him. I am considering going to a medium to see if he talks to me but am worried there are lots of con artists out there. I feel like I am being a very bad mother as I am not giving my daughter the attention she deserves right now. How do you go on running a family whilst grieving? xx

I can’t imagine how you are coping with a double loss; life can be so very cruel. I am lucky I have family around but you say you don’t. Do you have friends nearby you can lean on for support or even friends of your parents you can talk too? I have found talking to people who knew my dad quite helpful but like you I feel like I am in a bad dream. Xxx

Hi again
I’ve been to 5 mediums now and one of them was really good if you decide to go please read the reviews on them 1st. I’m definitely going back to see the one I thought was good. Please don’t feel like you are a bad mother because you are not, for a start you are worrying about your daughter so that makes you a loving and caring mum. Both my children are grown up (21 & 26 at the time of losing their precious Gramps) so all I did was stay in bed and cry I also had 3 months off work. Sorry I’m not a very good role model for you. How old is your daughter? X

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