Can’t breathe

Hi all, just after some support. I lost my mam suddenly in front of me a week today and I’ve not really cried all I feel is anxiety, nervousness and panic, is this normal? How do you ease it all. I can’t sleep unless I have a light or tv on. I’m really scared xxx


Hello @Ab12

I’m so sorry for the loss of your dear mum. Sending you strength and a virtual hug :people_hugging:

Yes, this is completely normal. I lost my dad 4 weeks ago. In the first two weeks I couldn’t sleep, keep shaking, couldn’t focus and my appetite was affected. I kept staring in shock and couldn’t express how I felt. It’s really scary but its your body telling you it’s had a massive shock. I also have asthma so my breathing was shallow and I felt I couldn’t catch my breath (I think it was panic).

4 weeks in the shaking has stopped. But I feel anxious and can’t sleep well. It’s still so raw so I cry a lot, worry about the future and have a knot in my tummy all the time. I’m still in shock.

Others tell me this is the first phase and it will begin to ease.

Reach out to me if you want to talk. Do you have support?

Sorry you’re on the terrible journey. Roberta x

Sorry for you loss
Have you tried sleep music I googled it sometimes it helps ,i have it on my phone quite loud to calm my thoughts .
My Mum passed away in September I still have the stomach problems but I’m not so nervous still have the brain fog but things are star to settle
This group is Great I come on every day as the advice is comforting
I struggled earlier because I thought I would give my Mum a call !

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It’s awful, so sorry for your loss. You never think it’s going to happen to you. I have support but my partner is actually away and it’s made me feel worse as he’s like my comfort blanket, I’m at the point I don’t want to go to the funeral I’m that scared. I hope you start to feel at ease soon and it gets better there is nothing worse than this feeling. Sending you huge huge hugs xxxx

Aww I’m so sorry for you loss, nothing worse when you think I’ll give them a call, I do everyday think I’ll tell mam this or that then remember she’s not there. No I’ll try that and see if it helps ease me. Sorry again for your loss and hope eventually we all feel abit better over time, we all need support and help at times like this xxx

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Sending love and hugs. Its so bloody hard but this community is such a life line. Thank you X

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It’s normal. I’m a few months in and still can’t sleep without the TV on (lost my dad). Someone on the site once wrote that it’s like we’ve lost our safety net and I agree and that’s way the fear is so strong. My sympathies. :heart:

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Thanks Ulma, sorry for your loss
That’s completely how it feels my comfort blanket has gone. Hope you are ok xx

Dad was my north star and always guided me. With mum also gone I’m now the north star to my brother (he’s austic) but no one can replace mine.

So difficult. I’m just about suviving by taking it each day. I cried on the train yesterday and will have a cry or two today.


Hi Robbeat08,

Cry as much as you need it shows how much love you had for your dad. It’s nice to know you are now the North Star and he would be so proud. Your right that this site brings you comfort as you know there are people to support you who have also been through a terrible event of losing a loved parent. I hope you have a better day today xx

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Hi @Ab12

I’m so sorry to hear about your mam - thank you for sharing how you’re feeling here.

I know lots of members have already shared some tips to help your sleep routine, but I also thought you may find a couple of articles on our Grief Guide platform helpful:

  • Tips to help your sleep routine

  • Am I normal? which discusses some of the questions you may be feeling such as ‘Do other people feel like this when they are grieving?’ or ‘Is this how I am supposed to feel?’

Take care,

Sue Ryder Online Community team