Can’t carry on being the strong one anymore

I’m 4 months on now from losing my amazing mom without much notice.
I feel I am struggling a lot more now than when it happened or a few months ago.
I have always been the ‘strong’ one, sort in f everything out, looking after my dad (he moved in with me and my husband when mom passed away).
I feel like I am going to explode, I have mood swings, emotional outbursts, so many thoughts of guilt abs what ifs.
I have nobody I can talk to.
My boss asked me today how I was, and I really wanted to say, well I’m not doing great to be honest, but I just said I am OK, like I always do, and everyone just takes that as a given.
It’s sad, I’m probably at my least ‘OK’ now and nobody seems to want to know, I know I probably sound like I’m wallowing in self pity, but I feel like I just want to run away from everything and just be on my own, away from everyone and everything!


Hi @Lucyp85 ,

Thank you so much for sharing this with the community :blue_heart: I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.

Take good care,

@Lucyp85 . l bet you’re trying to be strong so as not to upset your dad.
What you need is to talk to your dad. As much as you are hurting so is your dad having lost his wife. Get him on his own, tell him how you feel, let him know you are now understanding his grief, between the 2 of you, you can help each other. You might be surprised that he’s trying to be strong for you. Cry if needs be, release the tension.
When l lost my husband, my sister is the only one that understands my grief as she lost her son. With someone of like mind it is easier to voice your anguish.
Sending hugs and best wishes.

Hi Lucy,

I’m sorry you are struggling.

I can relate to your post. I am slightly further ahead as it is coming up to six months since I lost my dad.

When we found out that my dad was ill I moved back in with my parents to provide care and support. We lost my dad two months after diagnosis and since then my mum has been staying at my house.

My dad dealt with all finances and admin and since losing dad I have had to take over this role for my mum as she has never dealt with any of it and doesn’t have much idea of what needs to be done.

I hardly recognise the person I was before my dad became unwell. I have turned into someone who has lost a lot of motivation and joy and I get angry and frustrated easily. I do not have the patience or desire to deal with things like I once did. My mum is relying on me to help her with things and I feel a pressure to take care of her and sort everything out like my dad used to.

I know everyone’s grief experience is different but I found the three and four month mark extremley debilitating grief wise. I am still having days where the grief feels much worse (Easter felt dreadful) but lately I have started to feel a bit more like myself. This in turn worries me as I feel a bit numb and I wonder if there will be another turn where I feel dreadful again but for now this is the first time I have felt ok for a while.

I have been focusing on exercise, which for me is giving me much needed time by myself and focus.

There is no easy way to get through this. You have a lot to cope with, grieving for your mum, supporting your dad and maintaining your own life. It is a lot of pressure.

Can you take some time for yourself? It’s not for everyone but speaking with a councellor was also a space where I could talk about my dad.

If you ever want to chat I am here.


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