Thank you all for previous help and support. I find mornings are especially hard as I don’t have many friends or they still work as do my family. People really don’t understand this hell unless they’ve suffered it. My outings tend to be medical and I’m so lonely. How do you cope when you get out of bed?
Bless you Katie. I am so sorry for your suffering. I wish none of us had to be in this hell but here we are. The mornings can be lonely but fortunately I have 2 dogs so they’re something to get up for. My husband always brought me a cup of tea in bed and oh my gosh, how I miss that. I still make my morning cuppa and take it back to bed with me. So this is how it goes for me:
I wake, look at my husband’s photo placed on his side of the bed and say “Good morning darling. You stay there, I’ll make my own tea!” After drinking my tea, I get up, all the time chatting to my man. If there were any secret cameras I think the men in white coats would come for me. The rest of the morning is taken up with the dogs, walking etc and other daily chores before going to work in the afternoon. I know I am fortunate in many ways but I still lack the one person I really want to share my life with.
I’m sorry my response isn’t more positive. Have a good a day as you can Katie. Sending love xx
Thank you Kate this is helpful. I have volunteered in a charity shop so go there on Friday. Hopefully this will fill a few hours. I love how you can chat with your husband Maybe that will come but I can’t look at photographs yet as its only been a few weeks. Thanks for taking the time to reply.
Dear Katie. I’m so pleased you’re volunteering, such a good positive step and I’m sure it will help you on this sad, lonely journey of grief. Another thing I do and I know others do too, is write a journal. I write mine in the style of chatting to my husband and I tell him all kinds of stuff, about my day, how much I love and miss him, family things, anything and everything. It helps enormously and I find myself actually looking forward to writing in it. Sometimes, on arriving home, I rush in to grab my journal because there’s something I must tell him, a bit of gossip maybe. It gives me some comfort. The journal is a thing that’s just between me and him so it provides me with some intimacy with my husband. I like that.
Sending love, strength and understanding. Xx
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Dear Kate, You have taken this monster grief and shown him the door. That’s what we are striving for. You’ve given me ideas and I will follow through. I’ve explained to charity shop I might be a flake at times and they were not in the least perturbed. Thank you once again for your inspiration. X
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Don’t worry about flaking Katie, we all do it. I can be positive one minute and crumple the next but I’ve learnt to accept that’s ok. Good luck x
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I had a simple routine through winter. I switched the heating on from my bed and after things warmed up it was back to bed with a cup of tea and my thoughts. After much too much overthinking I would get up for real and make a bowl of porridge… Comfort food. While that was bubbling away I would make my first cappuccino of the morning. Most days I knew I would be doing something that involved meeting people and talking and listening. It was always an effort to override the inertia but, looking back, it paid a rich dividend. I’m a member of U3A and I have had many good days doing a variety of things that were a distraction from my grief, and some of them came to absorb me and carry over to when I got home.
I know it’s not as simple as it sounds but somehow we have to push ourselves to enable some growth to take place. Like Kate has said we all are capable of crumbling, but it’s how we deal with that.
I’d also suggest you look for how to be kind to yourself… Magnum, Cadburys fruit and nut, and Chocolate digestive biscuits are much better than paracetamol as painkillers.
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We can always rely upon a good approach from YorkshireLad. Take note Katie. In your last paragraph YL, you excel - definitely something worth trying. (Licking lips & Smily face emojis!) Xx
All things in modera… No I can’t bring myself to write that. Sod moderation.
So funny and so helpful.
We can always rely on you for some good tips.
Xx
Katie, I am so sorry to hear of your heartbreak. You will know on this site we’ve all been there and understand how you feel.
Kate and Yorkshire Lad have given you some very sound advice which I hope will help.
I would add don’t expect anything of yourself just be in the moment. If you want to cry, scream, sleep or stay in bed all day then just do it till you feel able and ready to do something different.
In the early days people used to tell me to be kind to myself which I didn’t fully understand but I did learn that for me it meant forgetting the previous expectations I had of myself and changing my mind set totally.
I have always found long walks to be very helpful, I’m fortunate to live near the sea and somehow being next to that vast expanse just helps my grief subside a little.
I hope you soon find some coping strategies to help you face each day.
Xx
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Thank you so much just having people who know how you feel helps so much xx
Thank you YL I will have a look at U3A in this area and see what groups there are. I seem to be forever running about looking for help and I don’t like being at home now. I know I need to try and make a life for myself and don’t need to tell you how hard this is. Thanks again.