My aunt passed away end of January, and I still can’t except she gone,
She was not just my aunt she was my second mum,
She divorced her husband of 42 years after going through so much physical and mental abuse, she suffered with schizophrenia and lots of other health issues, since she moved in with my mum 8 years ago I became her protector the only one she trusted it was me and her against the world so to speak, my mum and her and my brother and sister were close to her also but my relationship with my aunt was like no other we did everything together, i took her to her appointment shopping every day we did something, she got diagnosed in November last year when we first got told it was cancer we said we fight together but then was told it was curable I was by her side every day looking after her for 10 weeks until she passed at the end of January even the carers and the palliative nurse kept telling me to take a break from her but I didn’t until the day she passed away, I got baby monitor for the nighttime I layed on her bedroom floor when she couldn’t sleep so she could settle down the carers come in many of times and found me asleep on the bedroom floor by her bed,
Before my aunt got diagnosed with cancer she had her mental health issues she volunteered herself to go into hospital for few months to get her medication sorted out for her schizophrenia and other mental health issues but I went every day to see her and take her food and shower her fresh clothes cos they couldn’t give her the food she eats being gluten free and lactose intolerant and other foods play with her stomach but she often talked about committing suicide cos of what she been through with her ex husband so I made her promise me if she ever done then I told her I would do it also and I she new I meant it, so with her knowing that it stopped her from doing it and she would talk to me about it, but now she gone and I’m still here without her and I can’t cope I can’t except she not here anymore and she new I wouldn’t cope with out her she phoned my girlfriend and spoke to her with her concerns about how she was worried about me for when she gone she hanged on for as long as she could for me, the Monday night when i helped her go to the toilet for the last time I new then it was a matter of hours maybe a day, as i helped lift out of bed and turn to the commode we called it our slow waltz and I said to her this is our last waltz together, she said yes softly as she was losing her sight I layed by her bed all night by the morning i called for help from the palliative team they came and said it hours away for my family together and we were all listening to music as she was singing some of the words she made it to the Wednesday she went that afternoon as I went to my flat to get some sleep, my sister phone me two minutes after I had already woken up as I had this feeling of something leaving my body like my soul is been taken from me and then with in a minute my sister called to say my aunt had just passed away I got out of bed and my legs gave way
Got back to mums and aunt house went in with my aunt she was laying there peacefully out of pain,
I just don’t know how to accept she not here anymore i lost my dad to cancer when I was 16 that was hard but omg this is so much harder
I’ve been her protect and kept safe since she been with us and i couldn’t protect her from this
I’m completely broken i can’t even go to the local shops anymore cos they new us together and they see how sad i look or ask we’re have i been and when i tell them they are in complete shock over it