It’s a month today since my dad died, it took me two weeks to even believe it and now I just feel like it’s not real, I know it’s happened but I’m not in touch with the emotions if that makes sense? I’m worried that I’m not grieving properly, (I’ve not lost anyone since my grandma when I was five), I was really close to my dad and I just can’t believe that he’s really gone, that I’m never going to see him again. I know it, but I can’t feel it and it worries me.
I wouldn’t worry too much. It’s a very common reaction and one I clearly identify with. It’s fairly well accepted that our brains adapt to trauma, almost in a way that protects us, and it seems like that what we think would be “normal” feelings become modified. Things will probably change incrementally and different feelings will become more acute.
For the first few weeks I think I was in a daze despite the fact I had plenty of time to “prepare” myself for that new reality.
As emotions are just an extension of thinking, as in they are controlled and react to brain stimuli, then it’s just a case of the range being restricted. Change will be gradual but over time you will notice the difference.
I don’t want this to sound prescriptive as we are all so different and there are many other variables which come in to play but just be assured that you are experiencing what is a fairly common reaction.
Thank you so much, it helps to hear that this is a ‘normal’ part of grieving, I’ve never had to grieve before and all this is new to me, I really appreciate your taking the time to comment xx
Sorry for your loss Fiona. My Dad died 7 months ago very suddenly in his sleep at the age of 73. I thought the first 6 months would be the worst but I am finding it so much harder now. There was so much organising to do at the beginning and it keeps you focused. Your brain definitely protects you. It’s such a difficult journey, some good days and some awful days. I just can’t get my head round the fact I’ll never see him again and so how will I be ok again? Be kind to yourself and take one day at at time, that’s what I try to do. Not always easy. Thinking of you.
Hi, yes I was exactly the same. I stayed that way for a long time but gradually the emotions start to thaw. It’s the numb stage. I went to my doctor as I was so worried. I had no emotion good or bad - nothing. I felt spent. Had nothing left. Mum was my best friend how could I be like this? Apparently it’s all normal part of grief. I’ve now moved on to the intense anxiety and panic attack stage with anger outbursts. This site is a major help and support. You will cry and it’s usually out the blue. I found I didn’t cry them when I did the floodgates opened the lid came off - then as I’d got so het up I got a migraine. So I avoid it! Grief has so many phases. Don’t feel alone. That’s the main thing I wanted to say. X
Thank you so much, so sorry that you’re going through the same as me xxxx
Thank you so much, it’s so good to know I’m not the only one to feel this way, although I hate to think of anyone going through this, hugs xx