Can’t help these thoughts

I lost my father about 3 months ago and I’m not sure if it’s normal but I just can’t stop thinking about him in his grave just decomposing with all insects all around him and I know it’s natural process but it’s horrible to think that only 4 months ago he was fine and now his body is just dissolving into the earth, I know people will say that’s just his shell and his soul is free now but I have never been that much of a big believer in that and neither was my dad and even tho I try and think of it like that I also try and keep it realistic

Hi @ozstin123, thank you so much for reaching out and sharing how you are feeling here. I am so sorry to read about your father.

Exactly what is ‘normal’ can be difficult to evaluate. Grief affects all of us in different ways, but one common factor is the amount of time we spend ‘dwelling’ on particular aspects of the loss. This can often be due to specific events – being present for a loved one’s last moments, for example, or the experience of the funeral – which may have been more traumatic than others, or at least much more significant than you thought they were at the time.

You might find this article useful, even if it simply reassures you that how you are feeling is perfectly normal.

I’m not sure if you are aware but Sue Ryder also offers a free bereavement counselling service. If you would like to find out more, have a look at this page.

Keep on reaching out ozstin123, and know that we’re always here for you.

Take care,

Online Community team

Hello ozstin123. I think your thoughts are fairly normal. When I went to see my husband in the funeral directors, I really did feel that he wasn’t there and that his body was just a shell. I honestly did not feel a presence at all.

Some months later I did a bit of research because I wanted/needed to know what David would look like after a few months underground. Actually what I found out was that if the body has been embalmed then it doesn’t decompose as quickly as one might think. Furthermore, the body is in a sealed coffin so there won’t be insects all around it and it will take a very long time for a wooden cask to rot.

I apologise if anyone finds my post upsetting but strangely, my findings were somewhat comforting to me. Sometimes we do/think some very peculiar things in grief. xx