My partner dies on 30th of December last year. I know it’s only been 55 days but my mind won’t accept she’s gone. Her funeral isn’t until March 12th but I can bring myself to accept she’s gone. I have all of her things around me and the only way I can even function in the most basic way is to delude myself she’s still alive and think that she’s staying at her mums for a while. When something enters my life that shows any sign of proof that she’s gone, I totally break down in tears for hours until my delusion can kick in again. I’m also feeling guilt about this grieving process and just wonder where this path will lead. Without her, I have no reason to live.
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Mate, if deluding youself is working for you ok, whatever it takes to get you to the funeral, after that things may change.
I’m 12 months into this and the whole house is one big reminder of what I’ve lost, her sofa,her coffee cup,her iron,her dining chair,her garden,you get the picture. Some days I have to get out of the house and go for a walk,trouble is I have to come back to a empty house full of reminders of my wife.
I can offer you no advice to make things easier for you, but be assured I completely understand what you are going through,this is the madness of grief.
Best wishes mate,
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I can completely relate to this and know where you are as my partner died on 28th December, we had the funeral this Wednesday just gone. Before the funeral I convinced myself he wasn’t gone and that he had gone fishing or was staying at his nans for a while as that wasn’t unusual. Everything is exactly where he left it and I will not entertain moving any of it. I smell him all around the house, I won’t wash any of his clothes and have to play videos to hear his voice. I will do anything to be near him. I have visited everyday since the funeral and struggle to leave him and walk away. I always think he is coming through the door when I hear it go, for it to be one of my children. I cherish every bit of them as they are a part of him.
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I did the opposite regarding moving things, I went around the house and moved almost everything, there is a lantern with some fairy lights wrapped around a candle that she forgot when taking the Christmas decorations down, I can’t move it?
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William112
We do whatever it takes to cope with our loss. The reality is so shocking so don’t be hard on yourself.
As to where this path leads when we are grieving we just don’t know , as one day , or one hour is all we can tolerate .
Comfort yourself with everything you can . I hope you find love from those around you and on this site.
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