Hi, this is my first post. I lost my beautiful Mother nearly two years ago to alzheimer’s. I can’t process her death, thinking of her is too painful. In the beginning when i lost her i used to write to her in a book but this became less and less as it is so painful, i am pushing thoughts of her away as i can’t bear it. Occasionally i will become overwhelmed and have a massive cry. So many things remind me of her it’s so painful, i cant believe i have lost her my life will never be the same again, i feel very alone now, she was my best friend, always there for me,defending me loving me, i hate this life without her.
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Hi @Susan19,
I’m so sorry about your mum. I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.
Take good care,
Seaneen
Just to let you know Susan19, you are not alone. I am in a very similar position to you. My beautiful mam passed away on the 21st of March 2026. She had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s two years, although this wasn’t why she passed away. She was my companion, my friend ,my whole world. Nobody knew me or understood me like mam. We had lived together for 60 years. Dad passed away 9 years ago. We went everywhere together even during the last two years. My days were mam. From getting up to going to bed, I took care of her every day and during the night. I enjoyed looking after mam. We had a routine and although our world was small, we enjoyed our life together.
Mam had been in hospital nearly three weeks, she was 82 and it was a small bowel blockage. They tried a few things. They didn’t solve it though. The surgeon refused to operate and so we managed to get mam home on Friday the 13th of March. I was so glad she was out of the hospital even though she was having palliative care. While mam was in hospital all she wanted to do was come home to our lovely house. She was home nine days and passed away with me sat holding her and stroking her forehead and my brother sat on the other side.
I know you said your mum passed two years ago. I am like you with my feelings. I nipped out shopping to our local city centre today. The first visit since mam passed away. We always went every week and had a coffee and a bit of lunch. I said to my brother yesterday that today would be the first time without mam and he said you went on your own when you were in your twenties. I am 60 now. I could not believe him.
I parked up today and thought of mam and started crying. Then I started crying while having lunch with a few looks from other people.
I cannot stand it. Just like you. I want mam back. I see her every where in the house and in every thing I do. I am letting you know that I can empathise with you. I wish I had some answers. I know people say grief subsides as you go on, but does it? Even though I have a brother, I feel lost. I spend my days on my own. In our house where we spent all our time together. We didnt have friends. I always said to mam: I have got you and you have got me.
God bless and please feel free to respond to me at anytime with how you are feeling and coping and I will reply. Best wishes: Stephen
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Susan 19
Really sorry to hear about the passing of your mother. You will find that we are all very understanding here. All of us have had the experience of losing a loved one to terminal illness, I hope that you will post again.
Right now I do not think things will ever be right again now my Soulmate has passed. I am reassured by others that life can be good again. I really do hope that they are right and that we humans are no extinguished at death. As for me, like you I hate every moment away from my darling husband as you do your beloved mum.
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Hello Susan, I just want you to know that you are not alone. I keep busy as it is when I think of my Mum that I feel the emotion and cry. Stephen reminded me of my early days when I went to the shop and in the checkout I saw a happy family together and it reminded me of all the happy times that were gone and which I can never get back. I had to rush to the car and cry. I used to wear sunglasses when I went out to hide my tears. I now just take it day by day. If the tears come I let them come and then feel relieved afterwards, but most of the time I try not to think. Keep posting if you find that it helps you.
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Thankyou all for the reply’s.
When i see mothers and daughter together it hurts and i think it should be me and my mum.
What makes it worse is that mum did not have a very nice life and was treated badly by her Husband, then to watch her lose her mind was just awful, she was such a kind funny loving person, i feel so alone now
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Hi Susan19. I know i have said mam had Alzheimer’s so I have experience of it. Inside your mum was the same loving, caring mam that you knew. I know my mam had a very dry sense of humour and a wonderful smile. As it progresses you cannot always see it, but your mum, who you knew better than anyone else, was still there. Believe me. Kindest regards: Stephen
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Dementia is a cruel disease. My uncle was diagnosed with it and I managed his care. I believe Mum was undiagnosed and in the early stages. She died of a cardiac arrest following successful hip surgery. Her best friend had dementia and Mum always was scared of it. So she was never assessed ( although she did not past the screening check) as I didn’t want her upset. I wanted her to keep happy. It is upsetting for the carer / daughter. Mum’s personality changed in the last year of her life so I was experiencing a kind of lose of sorts then.
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My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s about 8 years ago, it was slow at first and then about 2 years before she died things become much harder for her, from the beginning of her diagnosis mum used to faint at any given moment they never did find out why, she would often be badly hurt and need to go to hospital, a year before she died she fainted and fractured her skull and had a bled on the brain, we were told she would not survive the weekend but she lived another year, the head injury hastened her Alzheimer’s and she was totally confused and muddled all the time, it was so awful to see her decline, she could not always remember my name, but i used to say i love you mum and she would always reply I love you too
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It is difficult for us who are left behind. My Mum started to say that she could not go on forever, although I wanted her to. I hope that you are able to gain some comfort that your Mum is at peace now.
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Hi Susan 19
I can totally understand and empathise with how you must be feeling. I lost my incredible, beautiful mother in December 2024. I say goodnight and say ‘I love you and miss you’ to her pictures every night. I struggled with the Easter celebrations as she would have been the centre of it all. Even when I look at her pictures and she’s staring back at me, she just still seems so real if that makes sense? I also struggle to come to terms with believing that she’s actually gone. I’m nearly a year and a half on, but I still wake up thinking ‘did I dream that she died’?
My family are all dealing with the loss of our mum differently, for most of them, it doesn’t feel like they are dealing with her loss at all. Myself (the youngest) and my brother (the eldest) are really struggling. The rest of them are just carrying on with their lives. One of my brothers even told me that I had ‘too many photos’ of my mum! I just see that kind of comment is because he just wants to repress it all. It’s hard to know who to talk to and I find people at work are really awkward and uncomfortable to talk about it.
Like yourself and others who have lost their mum or any loved one, very alone. I haven’t been on here for some time, but this does feel like a ‘safe space’ where we can all share our thoughts and experiences. I wish there were local Sue Ryder bereavement groups, to meet up in person. Mayber there are, but i’m not aware of any.
Love and strength to you and everyone.
x
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Hi Jani. It is three weeks today since my beautiful mam passed away. I cannot believe it. I ask God why mam, when there are all the bad people in society. Like you, I already had photos, but I have more now. I speak to mam and dad and my grandparents every day. Mam’s chair , I spray with Exclamation perfume, her favourite, so I can still smell her scent. I will do anything to help myself. She passed at 11.45am and every Saturday I have sat in our dining room, where her bed was, at that time and just sat crying. I was and my brother was at her side when she stopped breathing. I was stroking her forehead and hair. I know I am putting myself through it by doing this, but I feel I need to do it.
I lived with mam for 60 years, so I have lost the one person who truly cared for me. She was my world and I hers. My brother lives locally and visited about 3 times a week. He left home at 21 and got married. I know he has lost his beloved mam too, but I feel it is different to be with someone for 60 years. We went every where together.
You can never have enough pictures of your mum and family. Anyone who says different is wrong. Photos show a connection to all our lives and I would find it strange to go somewhere and not see photos of their family. Sending you all my best wishes. Stephen
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Hello Susan 19, I too wish that Sue Ryder had face to face grief cafes which I think they are called. There is nothing wrong with having photos of your Mum. It is a way of feeling connected and honouring your Mum. I look at photos and videos of my Mum. I used to record Mum sending a message to her brother which I would share with him as he was very ill. I had not realised at the time that I would have these for me to look at.
Stephen, My Mum died 6 months today on a Saturday. It still feels like yesterday I used to wait for the phone call at the exact time that I got the call, cry, pray and have an awful day. I have gradually moved on beyond waiting for the time. I am feeling it today but I cope by not thinking (unhealthy I know) as it is too painful to feel the impact. I am processing it in a way that I can manage. I try to do nice things as Mum wanted me to be happy. I am going to see tulips today. Mum loved flowers and for me to enjoy life, so in this way I hope that I am doing what she wanted. My sister left home at 18 and only visited on special days. My days for 53 years were with Mum.
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Good morning Sparrow2. You are and were a truly devoted son to your mum. Our devotion to our mams’ is incredible. Not because we were devoted. That is our nature, but incredible because there aren’t many sons who had the fantastic relationship with their mams as we did. Glad to hear you are getting out on the 6 month anniversary of your mum’s passing doing something she and both of you enjoyed. You are right when you say that your mum would want you to carry on and be happy. I need to take that idea. Mam would want me to be happy. Best wishes and enjoy your day the best way you can. Best wishes: Stephen
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I lost my nan to dementia she was my mum best friend and everything rolled in2 one. She did everything for me but as the illness progressed the carer role switched. She had vascular dementia/alzimers for 11 years she really fort it and remembered me till the end. The last year of her life was arwful she went to a care home and broke her shoulder as she was pushed by a resident and it just declined her instantly. It was so hard to watch her struggle and be agitated. I feel like aswell as the grief from death I also have grief for the trauma of dementia and how it changes a person. I felt so sad seeing her worry and physically decline.
Oh I do miss how excited and happy she was to see me I spent nearly everyday with her.
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Good evening Mccoy1. I am sad to hear about your grandma’ s long battle with Alzheimer’s and dementia. You will miss her. From your message it is obvious that you loved her deeply. She was your friend and your world. You will miss her smile. I too miss my mam’s smile. It was a stunning, heartwarming smile. My mam had Alzheimer’s with dementia and though she was diagnosed with it two years ago, she had it for about four years. She battled through. Never complained. Your grandma had a longer battle with the disease and your message about the last year of her life is heartbreaking to read. There are lots of different things people say to make people feel better. I don’t want to say any of those things because like me, you are struggling through and I hope we both keep managing to struggle through thinking about the wonderful people, my mam, your grandma that we had in our lives. Best wishes. Stephen
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What a beautiful picture. I hope you had a lovely day looking at the flowers and thinking of your mum. Best wishes. Stephen
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Hi everyone, i just needed to put some thoughts down,sometimes i think to my self , i will ring mum, then instantly remember she has gone, i see her favourite colour blue every where and tell her i can see it, i see pretty blossom and flowers and know she would love them, i use a book mark in my books with her writing on it, i wear some of her clothes, and i look at her picture and tell her much i love and miss her her and how beautiful she was, it is so nice being able to talk to people on here and know we are all going through the same things so we know how we all feel. I hate the fact that mum knows nothing of my life any more and feel each day i just get further and further away from her
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Susan19, It is lovely to hear about your Mum. The things that you are doing maintains the love, connection and bond that you had with your Mum and which you will always have. That relationship will always be there even though time goes on. I feel the same. Small everyday things have happened and I would normally go inside and tell my Mum as she would be interested in the news. I suddenly realise that she isn’t there - it takes me off balance and I catch my breath for a few seconds. Today I saw a lady with her family and she was similar in appearance to my Mum. I almost wanted to go up to her and to see her turn and for it to be my Mum again. I had to hold back the tears, refocus and then I was okay again, as okay as I can be.
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