I am really struggling. I lost my mum September 2022 and to say I am still not coping is an understatement. I have a constant pain in my heart and stomach. I feel so lost and empty. I can’t seem to remember any good memories. I was so so close to my mum and spent almost all the time with her. She was in hospital 3 months before she passed and as well as the crushing guilt, all I can remember is her suffering and how terribly unhappy she was in these last months in hospital; treatment and supposed rehab. She was miserable. I can’t get it out of my mind. I’m having nightmares and it’s all I can think off. I just don’t know what to do. I am miserable without her and this is making it worse
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Hi @Lisa892,
Thank you so much for sharing this with the community 
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.
Take good care,
Kate
Sue Ryder Online Community team
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Hi Lisa
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss
8 years ago this November 2016 I lost my mum I cab even remember exact date 24th and exact time at 7.30am. That day I was outside waiting to go back into office to begin work. My dad rung me first to let me know. Straight away my world crashing down it felt like a brick came out of the sky and hit me full on. I can remember that day so vividly I rung the hospital 15 times to accuse them of killing my mum. It’s true they had a part in killing my mum. All at once my life changed I changed I’m
Not person I used to be. I’m so desperately sad without my mum I spent all these years blaming myself for not spending enough time with my mum and what I could of done to save her. It’s only fairly recently I’ve taken control of my life and tried to stop blaming myself and I’ve decided I have to live my life that I can’t let grief consume me as much as it’s been doing. It’s destroys you inside takes away any semblance of happiness
It’s so raw for you right now. What I do is look after myself get plenty of sleep try to take care of yourself
Good luck
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Hi Lisa
I totally relate to what you have said. I lost both mum and dad 5 days apart in Dec 2021. Since then I have just survived. The feelings I have for mum especially are just undescribable as I’m sure you’ll agree. I was with her when she passed and it wasn’t nice. I get odd moments when if I force myself I can do 'normal’stuff but then all these memories come back and I cry so much. Life isn’t worth living as mum and dad took up all my spare time. I had to give up work due to severe grief and depression. I know what I’m saying isn’t a solution but messaging on here I have found does put you amongst people who understand. I’ve found anyone I know who looses someone just seems to move on. Well I’ll never move on in the way I used to. But please do message on here again and we will definitely talk about our feelings. In the meantime I send you a hug. We have to somehow keep going. x
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Hi! I’m so sorry for your loss. I can relate. I lost my dad and his time at the hospital was bad, so it plagues me a lot and I have tons of guilt associated with it. Every day without him now is a struggle.
I’m thinking, as you have nightmares and trouble keeping your mind off it, that it might be helpful with trauma counselling. It’s something you probably have to go privately for, but for some of us a loss, especially if it’s in difficult circumstances, can be a kind of trauma. It won’t make the grief less, but maybe it would give you respite from the flashbacks.
Sending hugs. 
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Many thanks for your reply, the pain is unbearable isn’t it. The hospital messed up and missed a billed on her stomach, sitting it after a few days, I am convinced she’d be here if they’d spotted it straight away. On top of that, the rest of her care was terrible because of short staffing. I am angry too. I am trying to carry on as it’s what my would have wanted but it’s so so hard
Thank you. I’m finding it hard to go on. I’m angry for the hospital messing up and making my mum suffer and don’t know how to cope. We do have to go on, they would want us to be happy but it’s hard
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Thank you, I am having counselling but not trims counselling, might have to seek some more. It’s so hard