My mum’s birthday is 09/12 - we always used to decorate for Christmas early so the lights and everything were up for it.
This is the first birthday and Christmas without her (she passed 01/02/24). Last year she was in hospital and I took everything down on Boxing Day because it felt empty and cold and that feeling still remains.
I feel like I should be putting the decorations up, but even the thought of bringing out the tiny china Christmas tree lamp seems like just too much effort.
We aren’t allowed to put any lights on her grave. Even a tiny solar tree was rejected by the church. So when my brother and I go and see her on Sunday for her birthday I won’t be able to give her any of the lights she loved.
I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression following the circumstances of her passing and am on the waiting list for counselling - possibly starting in the new year.
Sorry if none of this makes sense.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.
Dont feel under pressure to do anything you dont want - if you just want to have the lamp out and nothing else, thats totally ok. 
Maybe if your mum loved lights could you display her photo with some battery powered fairy lights round it, or dropped into a vase as a way of honouring her without feeling the pressure of full xmas decs? Just an idea