Can’t summon up the enthusiasm

My mum’s birthday is 09/12 - we always used to decorate for Christmas early so the lights and everything were up for it.

This is the first birthday and Christmas without her (she passed 01/02/24). Last year she was in hospital and I took everything down on Boxing Day because it felt empty and cold and that feeling still remains.

I feel like I should be putting the decorations up, but even the thought of bringing out the tiny china Christmas tree lamp seems like just too much effort.

We aren’t allowed to put any lights on her grave. Even a tiny solar tree was rejected by the church. So when my brother and I go and see her on Sunday for her birthday I won’t be able to give her any of the lights she loved.

I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression following the circumstances of her passing and am on the waiting list for counselling - possibly starting in the new year.

Sorry if none of this makes sense.

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Hi @Morgana

Thank you so much for sharing this with the community :blue_heart: I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.

You may also find our article, coping with grief at Christmas, helpful to read: Coping with grief at Christmas | Sue Ryder

Take good care,

Kate
Sue Ryder Online Community team

I made myself do it. I put out the tiny Christmas tree lamp

Thats a lovely lamp :smiling_face: Dont feel under pressure to do anything you dont want - if you just want to have the lamp out and nothing else, thats totally ok. :people_hugging:

Last Christmas my mum had only been gone 2 months, i couldnt bear anything at all, so i just put up a sort of snowglobe picture frame thing that mum liked, but also i had a framed photo of her on a table in the lounge, with a candle and a miniature rose plant next to it, and i lit the candle every night. :heart: Maybe if your mum loved lights could you display her photo with some battery powered fairy lights round it, or dropped into a vase as a way of honouring her without feeling the pressure of full xmas decs? Just an idea :people_hugging:

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That is a great idea, thank you. And thank you so much for your understanding. :heart:

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