Absolutely! but it is so hard and we could really do with help. Where are the guardian angels when we need them??
Ann xx
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I agree with both of you ladies! Yes, Iâve been in that black fog too - sometimes there is drama in every family and you really hope everyone can get along and think of each one as a family should. I did help him - I hope he appreciates it. Thanks everyone!!
Herb
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I think something you just said, â crying for everything your loved one has lostâ is a huge part of my sorrow. My lovely husband who died suddenly and unexpectedly six weeks ago, had so much still to do. This awful virus meant our lives were somewhat on hold this year and now, with the hope of a vaccine, I just feel that I wonât have anything to celebrate. He was my best friend, full of life and full of fun. How on earth do we piece together a life thatâs been ripped apart so brutally and too soon?
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Sea surge I feel like you nothing to celebrate we have lost our husbandâs and best friend just feel everything is so pointless at the moment I find some days are worse than others do a lot of crying I expect you do to just to let you know I will be thinking of you and here if you need a chat
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Thinking of you too Charlie Molly. Every day is hard but some are harder. Iâm always amazed at the human instinct to survive, especially when you really donât want the life you are facing. I have two adult children, both married, who are also heartbroken by the loss of their lovely dad. He was central to all of our lives. Were it not for hurting them even more, I would not want any more of this life.
Where there was â weâ there is now just â Iâ.
He would want me to go forward I know that. Dark days indeed. Take care everyone out there who is in this dark tunnel with me.
Let me know if you see a little light at the end of it.
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Herb I am glad you told him how you feel. I hope you can take some more energy for yourself now instead of having him taking it at a time it is difficult enough already.
I am not even properly alone yet (sitting on the sofa, my mum asleep), this is the first time I have had to myself except for when in bed since my RenĂ©s death just over three weeks ago. I have been so lucky having all the support Iâve had from my wonderful family and I get really scared on my own but it is nice to have some peace right now to just sit and think about RenĂ©.
I realised yesterday at my husbandâs funeral that I hadnât really heard music in three weeks when usually RenĂ© and I listened to music a lot every day. My mum likes to watch the news and soaps (something I never did) and the TV is on all the time so that is what I do now. I am not sure what I like though now, if anything, I watch TV now because my mum did. Maybe I listened to music and did all my other pastimes because RenĂ© did. I donât really seem to have a personality left without him so I identify with the comments from you Charliemolly and Seasurge about pointlessness. Hope you have some good hours or minutes.
Hi Seasurge, I am so sorry that you find yourself on this site. What you have written are my thoughts exactly and Iâm sure those of many others here. The tunnel does indeed seem very dark and disorientating. Thinking of you.
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I am in much the same situation as you. Two adult children both married, and I have wonderful grandchildren too. Like you, I would not be here if it werenât for them. They have been so good. Our young granddaughter, who is training to be a midwife, told me the other day that she was even more determined to graduate âfor Granddadâ. He was so proud of her,
We carry on for them, and because our beloved husbands wouldnât want us to give up. You asked if anyone could see any light at the end of the tunnel. Well, unfortunately I canât either but I just wanted you to know you are not alone.
Thinking you and all the others in our situation.
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Charlie molly Thankyou for your kind message it is indeed very dark days for all of us I am praying that we will all feel better in time no one can take away all our lovely memories
Thank you AnnR for your support. Youâre a Gem!
Herb
Dear seasurge,
I am feeling for your loss and your feelings. This coming November 19, 2010 I will be visiting my wife at her burial site. Like you, I remember her nice loving qualities - she would joke, sing and pitch in at almost everything - what a Gem she was!!! Please accept my heartfelt sorrow - as I too am sorrowing too. In fact almost everyone on this forum is going thru their own person moments of sorrow. Youâreâ not alone! I just wanted to share my own experience with you to assure you we are in your corner. Take care of yourself.
Herb (.aka. Greencat)
Hi, Seasurge2. After two years I do see a light at the end of that awful dark tunnel. At first it wasnât there, but gradually it has become brighter. It shines now because I have accepted what has happened. I am no longer angry or upset by it. I have allowed emotions to come and still come at times. That I have also accepted. No matter how long it will happen, and memories and emotions will come up.
I have had some comfort from knowing my wife would not have wanted me to be miserable. She was a happy person even up to the end.
Yes, we are all in this dark tunnel with you, and if we look after each other and send love and understanding thoughts, it can help ease the awful pain.
So, sending love and understanding to you. Keep your eye on that distant horizon. The sun does come up over it given time. John.
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Thank you John for your lovely and hopeful message. My lovely husband was a happy and positive person and would hate to see how we are now.
I miss him so badly. Itâs so raw at the moment.
Hi Seasurge,
I think the rawness of losing someone so suddenly as sadly happened with your husband is that itâs on so many levels. While friends can offer sympathy at the beginning because the loss is obvious, itâs the more subtle effects it has on us that are difficult to empathise with unless experienced.
It isnât just the overwhelming loneliness and obvious grief which is there from the start but the growing realisation that nothing in the world makes sense any more. Like your husband, mine was happy and positive. Much more so than me. He loved life and in every sense was a force for good. He was integral to our family structure and our two adult sons are devastated by his sudden and premature death at the age of 64. Quite simply the world was a better place with him in it and it seems to go against nature to snatch away someone with still so much to offer. As you said in one of your posts, your husband still had so much to do. It is so hard to accept what they will miss as we, according to expectation , move forward.
It is such early days for you and you will be in the deepest shock known to human experience. As you will have realised you are far from alone on this most lonely and confusing of journeys. So many on this site echo your sense of loss and fear of the future without their soulmate. Hopefully sharing thoughts and expressing unspoken feelings will help as it has helped so many of us . Itâs not a cure but can ease the rawness at times. Take care. X
@Jobar Once again you put into words how we are all feeling. I hate having to seek out people just to be able to talk to another human. I am not good being alone. We just want them back and itâs almost impossible to endure this pain. 
Hi Sheila. Sorry, you donât know me but I just wanted to say what a lovely post! It brought tears to my eyes as I visualised that little scrap saying how much he loves you. Tony and I had such pleasure out of our grandchildren too and they were all devastated when their beloved Granddad died. Our grandchildren (all 4 of them) range in age from 12 to 27, so over the years we had lots of little ones to care for and it was wonderful.
Make the most of it - they grow up far too fast!
Ann x
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Hi there! Glad you posted your feelings - they say if you donât say whatâs on your mind you get a blank from anyone. I know you ladies have posted already but just laying it on the line does wonders. Is that not so???
I have spoken my thoughts, anguish and sadness (not afraid to be myself even it it hurts). But afterwards I feel a little bit of the dread is lifted. Iâm OK with that so far. Ladies, I am grateful for your feedback and thoughts. iâm like you all - I am going thru my own setbacks and losses - a little encouragement or just to know someone heard you makes a difference - at least me it does. Thank you very much!! We all need that!
Herb
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The world is a difficult place at the moment and losing the person you hold most dear, at such a challenging time, seems impossible to bear.
We are all here because we are suffering indescribable anguish which we know is a life sentence.
At least if we share this heartache we know we are not alone. Take care everyone.
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