Can you help me?

My friends lost their wonderful little 3 year old in a drowning accident. How can I help them. What can I do? What should I say?

Hello Stinny,

Be there for them, if they want to talk and cry let them.
Don’t be afraid to talk about their child, they will get upset but it’s awful if people don’t mention them, as if the child never existed.
Do they have other children ? can you help in practical ways so they can have a bit of time alone ? babysitting, taking them a meal , having them to play at your house.
If you have any nice photos they might like them.
Go to see them or phone them, they probably won’t feel like phoning you, even just a few minutes helps to break up the day- I could never face phoning people but was pleased when people phoned me.
Don’t be put off if they don’t respond every time.
Offer help but try not to make “helpful suggestions”
They won’t recover from this easily or quickly if ever, stick with them , so many “friends” disappear at times like this, especially after the service.

There are specialist counsellors for people who’ve lost children, that might help.

Good luck,it’s lovely they have you ,they’ll need all the support they can get. J x

1 Like

Hi Stinny,

I’m so very sorry to hear this. I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for your friends, but it’s good to know that they’ve got you supporting them. It can be really hard to know what to say to someone who is grieving the loss of their child and I would agree with all of Dalejackie’s excellent suggestions. I’d also recommend having a look at The Compassionate Friends website ( They support families that have lost a child at any age and their website has a lot of useful resources and support options.

I hope you find something that helps. Be sure to look after yourself too.

Take care,
Online Community Manager

This is so very very helpful. Thank you.
They have chosen to go away this week but are struggling as thought they have ‘left him’. They also feel generally terrible and miss him so much