Hi there. My mum was only 61 and died of cancer in january. She only was diagnosed 3 months prior. Today i found out a friend who went privately for chemo for his liver cancer tumours (from bowel cancer not breast cancer spread like my mum) managed to almost eradicate all tumours in the liver small enough to operate on and docs are confident he will be cured. The NHS had basically written him off and gave him 12 months. Thats why they went private.
Im so pleased for him - but it made me break down in tears thinking i could have saved my mum if only i would have forced her to see the doctor and go private months ago when she started having symptoms. Knowing there was potentially a cure she didnt have the time to get - and could have had it as she did have the money- is really killing me. I feel like i failed her and that she could still be here if id made more effort to help her and persuade her to go private before it was too late.
Has anyone else had feelings like this and how do you keep going ?
X
Hello @PennyG
Sorry for your traumatic loss. Yes, I feel similarly to you - my dad had symptoms of ischemic heart disease that were continually misdiangosed over the course of 3 years by someone with no medical qualifications. We could have easily afforded a private GP, but I had no idea that a cough could be anything sinister - as primary care was getting nowhere with it we wondered whether it may have just been my dad’s allergies. No, it was a blockage in an artery that killed him via a heart attack. So, yes, I know how it feels to regret putting faith in public healthcare.
I’m not sure about the comparison between your mum and your friend, though. It depends on what stage the cancer was at when your mum was diagnosed. It’s not an area that I know a lot about, but maybe someone else on here will.
You did your best ,not all cancers are the same and the out look is different. It is like if the cancer spreads from breast or prostrate to the bone it seems to been more aggressive. My son was 47 he died last year in July. He had no symptoms,until pains in his hip and spine , he had secondary bone cancer they could not find primary. He died within 3 months , in the end they said they found a small 20mm ulcer in the stomach. It was in the lesser curve not blocking any bile ducts hence no symptoms.
If you suspect any medication had caused the cancer, you can report it on the yellow card web site
Sorry meant to say if the cancer spreads from the breast or prostrate it seems to be less aggressive than from other places.
Sorry to hear about your son - 47 - so sad. I cant imagine how hard that is for you.
I know it isnt helpful to keep going over it in my head all the ‘if onlys’ and ‘what ifs’ or ‘wish i had done this or that’ - i know that but still these thoughts just keep going in my head they wont stop. Its relentless at the moment. Hopefully it will calm down. I think its just the news that there could have been a cure that has taken me right back. X
You could ask the bereavement nurses if the consultants involved in your mum’s care can speak to you and answer your questions. 
You are never cured of cancer,it can go into remission and comes back later. It is the most terrible thing .That is why it needs so much research, it is not a virus or a germ,it is the body cells going mad .