My dad died on 5th jan after being in hospital for two weeks, long story short I was the one that found him passed away when I came to visit, the hospital had no clue that he had died (which is a whole other thing that I’m now going through with the hospital and their complaints procedure which they have initiated due to the appalling circumstances). Ive been coping by getting on with everything and staying strong for my mum and my family, but yesterday the realisation that he will be cremated tomorrow by direct cremation (his very strong wishes that there was absolutely no fuss) has absolutely floored me. I feel completely adrift and just don’t know what to do with myself.
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Sorry for the loss of your dad. I lost mine 10 days ago. Mum 9 weeks before that.
I can’t imagine how you feel about a direct cremation, I would have been floored as well. Could you have a celebration of life at a later date? Or create an online memory books for people to share stories and memories? Could you and your mum go somewhere nice tomorrow to remember him?
Sending a virtual hug. This must be really difficult for you. Take care. Rob x
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I assume a direct cremation is one where nobody attends. That was what my wife had. I couldnt allow her to be alone, so the funeral directors told me the day and time it was taking place, so I went anyway, with our two dogs, and stood outside the crematorium in the garden of remembrance, and talked to her the whole time. Two of our great friends came along in support. It worked as well as it possibly could. Then we all went off for brunch.
I can confirm that her cremation was carried out with every solemnity I could have hoped for.
There’s no good way for it to happen, but this was the best it could have been.
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@lulumol sorry for your loss and the pain it has brought you. The rituals associated with funerals bring a finality and certainty to the end of a life so I understand your devastation. When my Mum died last year there was a 5 week gap before the funeral service and it gave us time to process our loss and prepare for a heartfelt celebration of her life. A direct cremation is fuss free but doesn’t offer grief stricken friends and relatives a proper sense of closure. As others have mentioned, I suggest you organise a fitting memorial/tribute at a later date, maybe in line with a particular day? In the meantime, perhaps finding out the time of the cremation and lighting a candle or having a quiet moment of reflection at this time might offer some comfort. It’s very hard, sending you very best wishes to navigate through this difficult time…xx
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My husband wanted a Direct cremation the funeral directors told us exactly what time he was leaving in the morning even rang us up before they set off to see if we wanted to watch him go in and we could give them the ok and he would be taken into the chapel but because of the shock and grief we honoured his wishes we were told he wouldn’t be alone we played the music he requested at my daughters, his other wish was that later that day he wanted a big party we hired a function room with a buffet playing all his heavy rock music the place was packed what a send off he had he was a character and everyone loved him he even wanted a cake that was his sense of humour which we did, love that man to bits
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Hi @Jennison1946 . We did the same for my wife, although we had the party before the direct cremation. We had songs, buffet, and hundreds of hugs, plus a few tears. Lots of funny stories and laughter.
On the day and time of the cremation, her two best friends and I went and stood outside the crematorium with our dogs and said our last final goodbyes. Then off for breakfast at a canalside restaurant.
All in all, as perfect a send off as it could possibly be.
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Hi tykey that’s beautiful like you we tried to make a very sad occasion as Happy as we could all about his life and we had laughs at some of the things he’d done and we cried very sad but perfect for what he asked for take care
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You take care as well @Jennison1946 . Sometimes all we can do is make the best of a bad job, can’t we.
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i had pure cremation for husband, which is the same thing, they are better than the norm, there is no fuss, they deal with everything and you get ashes back personnally.nothing to be floored about, they are becoming the normal thing nowadays, mainly for the cost. we always hated funerals, the money, the show, just the whole thingin general. best thing they ever invented imo
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Hi SueF1 sorry for your loss yes everyone seems to be going for this now as you say no fuss saves money and a lot of heartache and ashes are returned to you take care
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Hi tykey your certainly right there take care
Thank you everyone for your thoughtful and kind replies. I think my biggest (irrational I know) fear was his actual body being burnt rather than anything else. However I went to the cremation memorial garden at the time and it was the right thing to do for me. I hadn’t even considered being able to do that in my brain fog haze so thank you for relaying your experiences they have all helped immensely. X
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