Cannot get over losing my mum

Hi, it has now been almost 10 months since i lost my mum. I was her sole carer for almost 5 years and she lived wirh me. I have had bereavement counselling. I am writing this post because whatever I do i cannot get over her loss. I am becoming more and more of a recluse. I barely leave the house or interact with other people. I spend a lot of the day crying or sleeping to try and block the world out. I almost feel like i have turned into a person that i no longer recognise. Before this i was running my own business and always out and about . I have spoken to my GP who said i need to give myself more time but each day i feel like i am just sinking further and further. I also lost my aunt a few days before losing my mum and i was very close to her as well. Has anyone felt like this and can offer any advice ? Thank you for reading


Dear @Sharon2205

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your mum and Aunt. Grief is a horrible journey of emotions, it is a rollercoaster ride with good days and bad days. All of which is normal. Grief is a journey to be taken at your pace. It is not a race.

There are resources by Sue Ryder which may be of help to you at this time.

There is a useful Grief Guide that contains information to help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief. When you feel ready, it would be worth having a look at it.

You have mentioned you have had Counselling but you may wish to consider one to one Counselling with Sue Ryder. It is a free online Bereavement Counselling It would be worth having a look at.

There is also a blog on Losing a Parent which may be of help and support to you along with Stages of Grief

Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS. This is helpful for family and friends too.

You are still grieving the loss of your mum and Aunt and in time your feelings and crying will cease. It does not mean you forget your mum or Aunt or love them any less. You learn to adjust and accept your they are no longer here. You have had a lot to cope with in 10 months.

There is an organisation called AtALoss which may be of help to you. If you look at Bereavement Services and type in your location you might find support groups in your area. London is on the list, I have had a look. This website is informative.

All the emotions you are going through are normal and part of the grieving process. Grief has no time limit. Be gentle with yourself and take one day at a time. You have taken a big step by reaching out here, you are not alone, we all understand the pain of losing a loved one.

Take care of yourself.

Peppers xx

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So sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my mum middle of May. It is very difficult for me. I cared for my mum for about 5 years and then she went into a care home (and she didn’t want to, but I couldn’t look after any more). I am finding some days good, other bad. It is so difficult. I try to take care each day and do something just for me (even if that’s just eating a nice cake!). Do you have any family or friends that you can rely on? I am on my own in the house I’ve lived all my life with mum. xx

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Hi, thank you for your reply. I will look at all the contacts you have mentioned. Its much appreciated xx

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Hi, so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum too. I have a couple of good friends who are very supportive. My mum lived with me so i am now in the house on my own. My mum spent the last 3 weeks of her life in a nursing home as i could no longer manage to care for her. We did so much together and her loss is just so massive. My aunt was her twin sister and she was like my second mum. My mum had dementia and her death was expected but i kept telling myself at least i will still have my aunt. I could never have believed that she would pass away 6 days before my mum and that i would be arranging a double funeral which felt the right thing to do with them being twins. I guess i just feel so alone now and no idea how i will ever come to terms with the loss of the 2 people closest to me xx

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Oh my gosh, your mum and your aunt, and twins. Big hugs. Can’t imagine how a double loss feels. I am sure they are now both together, happy and looking over you! My mum was in the home for 14 months, but had cancer and then developed seizures and basically the seizures ended up giving her slight dementia, but she knew me. It is so very hard. It’s nice that we have a place like this where we can let out our grief too. My mum and I did everything together too. My best friend. Every day is difficult. I just try to keep busy. Sending love. xx

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I have all the intentions of keeping busy but i just have no motivation to do anything . I even make myself lists of things i need to do, but nothing gets done. It seems to be getting worse as the tine goes on. Im really hoping at some point i will start to feel a bit better xx

Yes, just keep pushing yourself. Make yourself do it, no matter how hard. Hope it gets a little easier. When I have a bad day, I worry I will end up going backwards again. x

@Sharon2205 I’m so sorry to hear of your double loss, that is so hard for you. I lost my mum in April and I’m really struggling with it as we were so close and I would have done anything for her and detest how I can’t speak to her anymore, it’s so cruel.
I am de-motivated too and don’t want to socialise and find myself resentful and angry about a lot of things, not to mention over reacting to the smallest thing…but mainly I am over analysing and doing the ‘what ifs’ and regretting things that could have been done differently. I am worried that you are finding yourself getting worse and although time does help and its good that you’re having counselling, but have you thought about trying some mild anti depressants? They might really help you. I only mention it because you say you’re getting worse. I’m hoping to get some from the docs next week as I feel terrible most days and can’t stop over thinking.

@BrackObama thank you for your message and i am so sorry to hear you have lost your mum too. I was given anti depressants just after the funerals as i was barely able to function but i ended up being rushed to hospital with anaphylaxis. After tests i was told the allergic reaction was caused by 2 ingredients in the drug so am unable to have any SSRi’s or SSNi’s as these ingredients are standard in all of these drugs . I hope if tou get something it helps you xx

I am do sorry to hear of your mum and Aunt. There really is no set timeline, it has its own and every person is different. I lost my mum and felt fior a long time it would never get better, but there would be breaks in the cycle
and thats where i s
am at now. The grief is still a part of my life but slowly other things also come back into your life again. There is no harm in going back to counselling again. Ive had lots. Its tough but it will improve

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Hi I know where you are coming from. My mum lived with me for 10years
She died 3 years ago and I’m still grieving heavily
She went in hospital because she couldn’t use her legs
This was during Covid so we couldn’t visit her. After 2 weeks we were told she had brain cancer and within a week of coming home she died
It was such a shock as there wasn’t any indication of this
She was my best friend. I no longer have that lovely person to hug, chat to,laugh with
I feel that I’m in another world to my sister who is able to cope better than me.

@Zellie Thank you for replying. So sorry to hear about your mum. My sister is also coping much better than me but she has family around her and many more distractions whereas i live alone plus i have so many memories of my mum in my house.

Exactly the same as me

@Zellie i think it makes it that much harder for us. I have changed things around a bit in my house since my mum died as i thought it may help but nothing changes the memories.

So true. Sometimes those memories are overwhelming :heart:

On the flip side, it’s lovely you are in amongst all those memories, doesn’t that give you comfort? I lost my mum in April (still in shock to be honest) and she lived alone and loved her home. I am thinking about her home sitting empty and it makes me feel so utterly sad. At least you can feel your mum is around you? Just trying to be positive in an awful situation.
@Sharon2205 I also tried SSRIs and felt utterly terrible after one tablet so had to come off them!

@BrackObama so sorry you didnt manage with the SSRI’s. I have a lot of sad memories of my mum in my house sadly. Towards the end she had a lot of falls and i would come home to find her on the floor shouting out in pain. She had an alarm but due to her dementia she kept taking it off or if she was wearing it she didnt understand how to press it. I was diagnosed with PTSD earlier this year as i have struggled to get these very upsetting memories out of my mind. Counselling has helped me try to focus on good memories but i am still finding this very difficult at present

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And me too. Hugs xx