6 weeks since i got home from work and found my partner had taken his own life, a vision that haunts me every day feom when i wake up till i eventually fall asleep. After over 7 years still have the vision of my husband dropping dead in front of myself and my son so now i have 2 visions , when i met myblate husband i couldnt believe how lucky i was to find him after fauled marriage and long term relationship, he was also my toy boy being 7 years younger than me then he was taken from me, 4 years later by chance i met my late partner and again i couldnt believe how i was lucky enough to find a man who loved me and would do anything for me but yet again he was taken from me, why is what i ask myself constantly why,sorry just having a bad day.
I wish there was something I could do or say to make you feel a bit better but as we know it doesn’t work like that. Don’t be sorry for saying how you feel 
Thank you for your kind words means alot 
Sorry you’re having a bad day, and it being Sunday doesn’t help, either. Sending hugs.
I was told by my sister in law to write my feelings down. She bought me a little notebook and said write what you feel then close the book and leave it. Do not go back and read it just forget it . I am trying to do this so long as no one else sees how angry i am with the world and everyone fir moving on without me!!! Try it may work.
My heart goes out to you and please know that I, and probably many others in this group, wish you some eventual peace
I can’t imagine what you are feeling right now. Much love to you X
Its actually a good idea