Im a 40 year old with 2 children. I suddenly lost my partner on the 27 oct the day before his bday. Id been with him since i was 18 year’s old he was the love of my life. He died in front of me. Unexpectedly. I miss him so much and im struggling to come to terms with all this. i ve got to stay strong for my two children. Poor kids theyve got no dad and ive still got mine. My heart bleeds for them both. I just dont now what to say or do to make them feel better. Im struggling to get through all this.
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So sorry you find yourself here. I lost the love of my life in exactly the same circumstances 33 weeks ago. You will be in shock, which with hindsight protects you in the early days.
Just take each day hour by hour - there is no rush to do anything. However it probably doesn’t feel like it at the moment.
Please keep posting - There are others with young children on here who will be able to offer their experiences. This site has been a lifeline for me, as everyone understands your shock and despair. Sending strength and a big hug. You are not alone on here x
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Thank you for the reply. I felt like i was alone. Im so sorry about your lose. My doctor says im in shock still. Im heartbroken. I cant get my head around all this. It was so sudden and unn expected. Ive only just joined thus sute so ive not had chance to read other peoples stories. When my children are in bed i ll have a read through them. Hopefully this will help me through this terrible time. People say ties a healer abd it will get better. I feel like im getting worse. How are you feeling? Wirse better!!
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Kcg, I am so sorry that your husband died. Mine too, on September 24. It is horrible, I know. I have no children, so I can not help you there.
You are in the very early days of a very long and hard journey, and I am sorry to tell you that it won’t get better soon. It is going to take a long while. We all know what it is, we are in a fog, forgetful, numb, confused, sleepless, lost, anxious, panicked, sad, fearful and in shock. Accept it as normal because all of these feelings are normal. The thing we do is learn to function in the fog.
Personally, I take each day hour by hour. I make a list of 5 things I must do each day, do them, and mark them off the list. The list shows me that I am not stagnating in place and, slowly, I get things accomplished. Often, it takes all day to do 5 things and I have to rest between each listed chore, but it gets done.
Pay the bills, feed yourself, the kids, the pets, get as much rest and sleep as possible, you need to rest and sleep is crucial. Eat good nutritious food, take your vitamins and stay hydrated. Cry your eyes out until the tears stop.
At about week 10 the fog will start to lift a bit as you become accustomed to the new routine and you will function better. It is also around this point that you must start getting out of the house to socialize a bit with friends. Accept all invitations with the caveat that you will leave if it is too much to handle. My friends dragged me out of the house at this time and it made a world of difference to laugh and enjoy myself for a couple of hours.
You will survive, we all will. Life will never be as it was, but it will be good again. In 18 months you will be in a different place emotionally and physically. Meanwhile, we learn to live with the loss.
Much love.
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I think once the shock wore off I was worse, as reality hit me. I still cry every day but I’m much calmer now. I know that these bouts of crying are triggered by the oddest of things, but they will pass.
I’m fortunate that I can sleep now, but I think that’s the grief that exhausts me. I expect that the children are a massive distraction for you at the moment as you try and make sense of everything. Make sure you look after yourself and try and eat properly. And if you ever get anytime to yourself don’t feel guilty about resting. You don’t need me to tell you that your world and your future have been turned upside down in an instant. Take care xx
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