Can't believe I'm here.

I joined the forum last year after my husband passed away. My mum loved my husband like a son and and it was very hard for her. Not only did she lose him but she kind of lost me too. I couldnt cope with her grief and anxiety as well as my own and although I messaged her everyday and spoke to her every other I know I was distant and not as supportive as I should have been.
Last Thursday we found mum unconscious on the floor. Not sure how long she had been there other than less than 24 hours. She passed away with us there that night in hospital. I dont know if she was aware at all. Was she frightened?
I cant believe she is gone.

I don’t feel my husband or my mum anywhere and I dont know if that means their gone or they blame me. And i understand if they do. But why punish them? Why not take me?I didnt think the pain of grief could get any worse.


Hello @Stillhiswife ,

I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband and your mum. Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.

Take good care,

I had to go back to work yesterday after a week. It seemed so wrong and disrepectful but what choice is there? No one even mentioned what had happened. And I know its just because no one knows what to say but I don’t know how to handle any of this. Everyone has had a year of my grieving already and they don’t need this. I feel completely alone but I guess that’s part of whatever this grand plan is.

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@stillhiswife I share your pain. In April I lost my 18 1/2 cat, followed by my gentle father, and then my beloved husband. So in 4 months I have lost pretty much everything. I still have my son, but at 22 he doesn’t need me and has been pretty blunt about it. He would swap his Dad for me in a heart beat. Still I stay alive because he doesn’t need another death right now nor the burden of a Mum who killed herself. But at the first sign that I can go…I will.
Much love and sympathy.

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Hi @LizFar
I am so sorry for your losses.
Be patient with your son. Ive been so angry since my husband died and I expected far more of my mum than she could give. I spent a long time feeling angry at her and even angrier at myself for it. I tried not to show it but I know she lost me emotionally. And i can’t undo it. I can only hope she knows she was loved. I am sure your son loves you and is grieving in a different way. I’ve thought and said things I cannot believe I ever would. Im not certain if its all grief or this is really the person who I always was.

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@Stillhiswife don’t be too hard on yourself. You didn’t know that at the time that you would suffer the loss of your Mum so soon. Grief makes us say and do all kinds of things that we perhaps wouldn’t usually. It’s a very hard time and no doubt your Mum knew you were doing your best in difficult circumstances. Take care of yourself xx

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