Cant cope

I lost my partner of 30 years in December, he was 57. We were told 2 weeks before he passed that his cancer had spread to his liver, and they gave him a year to live. I am struggling to even get out of bed some days, and constantly breaking down over little things. It feels like my life is over, and quite often i want it to be, so i can be with him. I have two children, 28, and 24 who seem to be coping so much better than i am. I just feel so lost and alone…

Hi I know exactly how you feel, my husband of 46 yrs passes Jan 28th this year, I am so lost, I can’t face a future without him, I have family that never visits me, but my 1 brother does, but he works so hard he has not much time, the best of it is, the rest of my family never came all the time he was ill, then turned up at his funeral, to disappear into the woodwork ever since, our children are of course sad and upset, all adults by the way, but I don’t see them either, I feel just the same I don’t want to be here without him, and each day seems harder and harder, I am constantly in tears, and don’t have any interest in anything, I do hope you have peace of mind soon, I am here if you need to talk, i am the same as you.

I know exactly how you are feeling, I lost my husband in November it was sudden and totally unexpected. I had lost my Mum three weeks before :cry: I also wanted to be with my husband and it was my wee dog who made me get out of bed or I probably wouldn’t have bothered. I have amazing support from family and friends but it’s not the same is it? I know it seems like you will never feel any better but you will, it all takes time. Do what you need to do to get through the days. Don’t be a people pleaser put yourself first. Keep talking on here you will chat to some lovely supportive folks who have all been where you are, they all understand and can empathize with you. It’s the worst thing that has ever happened to you but you will get through it.
Sending you positive thoughts
V xx

Hi Paula2310,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your partner. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really overwhelmed.

I think you could really do with some support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

You deserve care and support so please, Paula2310, get in touch with one of these services.

If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999, go to A&E or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

Take care,

This is why this site is here because when our loved one goes we are totally lost and crying is one thing we can do which does release some of the pain. Until it happened to me I had no idea what it would be like and some days staying in bed seems the right thing, sorry the only thing to do. Those first months, which seems like a life sentence, you feel lost, lonely, heart broken and in a complete fog but honestly you learn to live with it, it doesn’t go away and the pain is still there but somehow we get through it. What you are feeling is the old fashioned ‘broken heart’ and yes it can rain until September because that’s just how we feel. Unfortunately life goes on and somehow we learn to move with life, not move on because that doesn’t happen. This grieving thing takes all our energy and just at present with this virus we all need to be extremely careful. Taking care of ourselves is hard normally but just now please, please be extra careful and you are no one. As they say we will get through this and that goes for the grieving but both will take time.
Blessings S

Its very hard when given a year which doesnt happen. Mum and i had been at hospital the day before. They were satisfied things were stable then out of nowhere the next night. Well i cant even go over it. I still waken up thinking she is here. I was her carer 24/7. Thinking of you Paulax

Paula, yes I do understand, my soul was making good progress and then just went down and 12 hours later he had gone. With the way things are now with all this virus,I am thinking he is better not to be here because I don’t think he could deal with. I think it’s the first time I have felt like this. It all takes time. Keep smiling and time will change things but you will never lose that love and she will always be around ready to help when you really need it. Just hang in there.