Cant get the picture of mum out of my head.

My mums been in a nursing home with dementia and cancer for two years. Although she’s been deteriorating slowly, shes still known us and happily chatted. Because of covid 19 we havent been able to visit since March, but have spoken on the phone. A month ago she had an infection and went onto morphine. The last two weeks shes gone downhill and this week we were allowed to visit her. We were warned we wouldn’t recognise her and did we really want to go. When we saw her, my heart stopped. She cant speak, only barely unrecognizable words, doesn’t look like shes able to see. Is sedated but very restless. We were with her for hours. I cant get the first image of her current state out of my head and keep breaking down uncontrollably sobbing. I think she was asking for help which is breaking my heart. I dont live near so dont think I will see her again.

Hi. Emily. Welcome. That is so very sad and my heart goes out to you. Thoughts and images like you have experienced can stick in the mind for some time. It’s traumatic and very upsetting. There is not a lot of consolation I can offer. To see someone you love deteriorate in this way is something no one should have to go through. Life can be very cruel at times. My wife had dementia at the end and it was heartbreaking to see her. It’s OK to be emotional, who wouldn’t be. What is there to say, what can anyone say. We are all here for you any time you want to talk. The pain you feel is common to all of us here. You are among friends.
Try and be kind to yourself. Our prayers and thoughts are with you. Blessings.

Thank you Jonathan xx

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