The closer it gets for me returning to work the more my anxiety is kicking me hard, iv put request to my gp for another 2 weeks then i will have a weeks holiday after that , so much to sort as my son has been on holiday and due back from usa at weekend he was going to cancel and i told him not too, he deserved to go as he dealth with funeral arrangements etc, but marks ashes will be due be collected soon , transferring bills into my account plus all the executor stuff for the will he has to do, too much and my job has alot of responsibilities and i need to be in the right frame of mind to go back.
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Hello, My son died on 7th June, i only returned to work last week. Take your time you may get there and you do ok. i do find it a distraction but it doesnt mean that i dont think of him all day long. Maybe ask to come back for shorter hours for a few weeks.
I hope you have understanding bosses also.
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Hi
I can totally empathise .
My husband died in June.
I work in end of life care, my husband died at the hospice I work in. They’ve have been very supportive throughout everything.
I think I’m ready to return then a ‘bad day’ comes and there is simply no way. The bad days do seem less crippling , mostly.
The ‘sad min’ is still ongoing, the decision making way out of my comfort zone continues. I miss him dreadfully, the space he filled in our family is now a massive void.
Financially I can’t afford to stay off much longer, but I’m terrified that if I go back too soon I won’t being able to do the job I’ve always adored.
It’s such a demanding job emotionally.
Since M died , I’m constantly having internal battles of what to do for the best, the right thing. I don’t have him as my sounding board for my constant over thinking.
It’s exhausting .
I’m taking September off , then I hope I’ll be able to return.
I hope things will get easier for all of us on this rollercoaster of grief.
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Im going back 25th september thats hoping gp does 2 week wick note then im on holiday for a week not that im going anywhere, i do shift pattern of 12 shifts so i have days off and because im senior carer i need my head to be in the right place so fingers crossed another few weeks and shud be ok enough to go back plus theres financial side x
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I am so sorry but totally understand its horrible making the decision to go back to work xx
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My husband passed in March and I haven’t returned to work yet and have been signed off until the end of September.
I work in the nhs with kids who have mental health problems and often have teenagers who are suicidal and high risk on my caseload, so I don’t think I am stable enough to support them at the moment and would never forgive myself if I missed something and they came to harm.
I’m also responsible for a team of clinicians and that can be harder work than my caseload, sorting out all the moans and issues they bring to me.
My boss is not rushing me and they have agreed that I can apply for a career break so I can have time to re-evaluate my life, but I swing from never wanting to go back to thinking it might be good for me. I did love my job but it is stressful, which I don’t think I can tolerate now on top of all the grief stress.
As my husband was still working when he died his company awarded me a pension which we weren’t expecting, so I could manage financially if I decide not to return to work but I think that makes the decision even harder.
I kind of feel I need to completely rewrite my future and returning to work feels like going back to a life that I loved, but one which would always be marred by him not being here anymore.
Not sure if that makes any sense to anyone else but the thought of trying to relive that life again is just too painful to contemplate.
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Totally makes sense, it is all so very hard , we need to be in the right head space to go back to work and more so with the responsibilities of our work load. I always said to.mark that even when i hit retirement age as long as i am.fit.enough and able to id probably continue working as i love my job. Even though my job always ends up in death it always feels an honour for to have cared for that person and been there as they take their last breathe. Xx
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It makes complete sense! My Andy died on 15th July and I’ve been signed off until the beginning of October at present but I have made the decision not to return to my previous job. I’m a ward-based physiotherapist in a community hospital, working mainly with elderly or those with complex needs, often self-induced. I have absolutely no compassion left!! How could I go back to work with 90+ year olds who don’t want to be alive when Andy was ripped away from me at the age of 59!!! I’m not sure if I’ll manage financially yet, have to wait to see if Andy’s life insurance pays out, but if I need to work, I plan on doing something like working in a local shop. I’m also looking into voluntary work, we have a small near new us so I’m hopefully going to do something there. Don’t rush back to work. It sounds like your job is stressful and you have to give a lot of yourself so you need to be as resilient as possible xx
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My Husband died in June he was only 44, I’m struggling with everything at the moment, Especially deciding when is right to go back to work, We both worked there, So it’s not just going back to work for me and getting on with it, Everywhere will be a constant reminder of him, Our work colleagues have been amazing so I’m trying to take comfort from them, But also aware they are grieving their work colleague and friend.
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It’s such a battle isn’t it @Daisy27
I think the expectation is to ‘just get on ‘ but for me 2 months into my grief , some days are really tough. Adding work to that (and the fact my husband died where I work) just seems crazy right now. However, I’m always mindful of the finances. I’m in a constant quandary .
I think I’m just going to give myself time , after school holidays when I don’t have my kids as the distraction and need to function for them .
I feel that might be when I figure out where I am on this journey and what I really can cope with.
I hope you’ll be able to give yourself time too, it’s such early days xx
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You do whats best for you and ye my job is stressful but iv cared for over 20 years and sadly need to work but my boss has been good but i am planning to return 25th September, i took longer of when i lost my husband and i think it was too long as each day or week that passed i didnt want to go back so nit taking as long this time cc
Its so hard to face the thought of going back to work , people say normality 
Thanks @Ginger68
It’s reassuring to hear someone else in a similar situation has decided not to return to work and is looking to do something else.
I get asked all the time if I’m back at work as if it’s a gauge of my recovery.
I do need to be resilient for my work and I think it’s more the politics that I can’t be dealing with now - and that was true before I went off, but it was usually balanced by the work with my young people which I loved, so I managed it.
Now I just don’t want to manage it as I can’t be doing with squabbling with other professions about who does what and why.
That’s CAMHS in the NHS for you!
I’ve been volunteering in a community garden once a week since April and that has been so good for me and I would recommend that if you are able to not work. I will do more volunteering if I decide not to return to work and am going to apply to be on the children’s panel and possibly some other children’s support work which I think would be a better option for me going forward.
But I’m still not 100% sure and need to have some ‘normality’ before I make that decision, and that will happen in a couple of weeks when my oldest 2 return to uni for their next year.
I’m dreading that as it will be just me and my youngest here, but at least I will then have some time and space on my own during the day to be able to grieve alone. And hopefully time to think without constant interruptions or having to put others needs first as I am aware the constant giving of support to my kids is taking its toll on me.
I haven’t had that space since my husband died as I’ve needed to hold it together for the 4 of them. I’m sure it won’t be pleasant but having some time alone is likely what I need.
Hopefully it will all become a bit clearer as time passes. Just got to do what is right for each of us.
Sending some hugs xxx
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