Cant grive for my mam

Currently under the mental health team as things just seen to be getting harder for me …

The MH feels like im guilty in one sense that i couldn’t save my mam after 30mins of cps on her before ambulance took over witch they got her back for a few minutes but sadly give up her fight.
I shut my eyes at mind and thats all i see me pumping her chest not knowing if im hurting her .

Theres also a big dark secret im hiding from my past witch i think plays a part for me not griving for her …

My head is such a mess :weary: just trying to hold on to things instead of just letting go …
Honestly just dont know whats nexe for me .

I am sorry to hear that you are hurting so deeply.

Please remember you tried to save your mums life.
You did a phenomenal thing there, something I don’t know if I could have. Or many people could have.
My deepest respect to you. I am in awe.

About feeling guilty following someone’s passing, I think we all have. It wasn’t our fault and it wasn’t within our control. We did the best we could at the time with the information we had at the time.
I’m guessing you’ve felt guilt about many things that maybe weren’t your fault. Now is the time to learn to allow yourself to heal.

Allow yourself forgiveness. It’s ok to. You deserve it. Love, love, love will do it x