I use to love Fridays… finishing work & rushing home to start the weekend as a “we”. I now find Friday is the day when all u hear is everybody’s plans as to what they & their person have planned “together” for the weekend. I can’t help but feel jealous they still have their one & here I am trying to accept I am now an “I” and I want to be “us” more than anything. I want to have plans with my husband, I want to talk to my husband, I want to touch my husband, I want to kiss my husband! Why can’t I have my husband? How is this fair? I can’t help but be jealous! Now I find Friday’s I go home to an empty house like every night & home just doesn’t feel like home! Going home now just feels awful like everything else! This new life none of us choose is just devestating in so many ways! I don’t mean to be doom & gloom but i’m honest! Thank u for listening this community is definitely helping me x
Aw … its crap innit ;( you get used to it but its bloody hard too ! Gotta keep making friends and gradually your circle does get bigger …
Its tough though in so many ways ! Not gonna lie . But as my bereavment counsellor said to me theres no short cuts … just gotta go through it and then come out the other side 
xx x
Hey @Mazzarat
Fridays are difficult, like you I would just feel a sense of relief as the week was finished and then I could chill out , be busy, whatever was planned alongside my husband.
I’m not back at work yet although not sure that I will ever go back to my old job so every day seems much the same, but I long for that normality and regular routine, knowing we would just be getting on with whatever and never worrying that this time wouldn’t last.
I’m not sure what the future will hold for any of us, but I suppose we have a chance to make it something that we can live with.
I don’t think I can ever go back to how my life was before and need to build something completely different. What that will be I have no idea - but I’m working on it.
I think we all have to take time to grieve and rebuild - it will never be as good but I hope it can be tolerable, and not a life wasted.
Then maybe the weekends - or every day for that matter - won’t feel so hard.
Sending some strength and a big hug xx
I think the rebuilding is probably the hardest ya know ! I have got my grief under control a lot better but its just the moving forward i find hardest ! Move on to what … life is very hard now i have found … i got my darling dog who i love to bits but life is a sodding challenge now ! I would really like to go on holiday but im not going by myself ! Its all so bloody tough !! X
Yep @Deb5 - the what next is something that plays on my mind a lot.
I’m kind of stuck in limbo at the moment as my youngest is still at school, but she hopes to go to Uni in 2 years time and then I will be on my own.
At the moment she and my other kids are a priority, and I need to be here for them, but I know I need to have a plan for when she leaves home or I will not cope.
I used to talk with my husband about how I would manage when all the kids left home, but now it’s so much worse. The need to adapt to being a couple at home has now morphed into needing to adapt to being a single person at home alone.
Scares the bejeebies out of me. Xx
Oh i know whar you mean going through all these new stages alone !! My mum is poorly and in hospital and no husband to support me ! Its just bloody crap and so heartbreaking dealing with all this by ourselves with no support from our husbands … x
@Deb5 dogs are such a comfort aren’t they, I’d be lost without my little companion 
after I lost Chris I started having awful dreams that my dog was going to die too, your mind and heart play terrible tricks on you in your darkest hours 
he’s my little shadow, I have to take care of him which really helps me function xx
When I was caring for my sick husband I used to long for me time, just a little while to read or whatever. Now he is gone I feel so dam guilty and alone. Moving on is so hard, but maybe it will get better with time
I used to care for my wife who had M.S. and was bed bound. Like you, I took used to look forward to a wee bit me time but felt guilty if I did. Now I have all the free time in the world and life is so empty. I feel guilty about things I didn’t do or say, it’s just so heartbreaking, sometimes it’s just so hard to breathe.
I know, I used to hope my gorgeous husband would go sailing for a couple of hours on a Weds eve just so I could do…I don’t actually know what now. Cor, what I would give to have him here beside me, to hold, laugh, plan things with, love and be loved. I even used to say ‘Universe, please don’t take him from me, just a couple of hours to watch trashy tv!’… it’s been 15 weeks and in between shock and tears, I’ve kept so busy doing things we were going to get done eg. Curtains up, car valet, fence paint, but the reality is how do I go on without him, I’m only 53, no children and thought Ray and I had at least another 20 years of love, sweat and tears together.
I do remind myself of what someone said to me though, ‘If you were told you would meet the man of your dreams, trustworthy, loyal, kind, funny, ambitious, someone who got you, caring, smart, loving, but you’d only get 10 years with him, would you still want to go ahead? ’ My answer is always yes, absolutely yes. Ray was all those things and I got to experience real love
It’s been a year now since Trevor’s diagnosis. He died last October. I thought it would get easier. But if anything it gets harder. I so miss being a ‘we’ and looking forward to doing things together. He was only 60. I feel jealous when I see old couples holding hands, doing the shopping together - normal stuff. I’ve tried internet dating recently. But no one can come close to my wonderful husband. I can’t imagine how it will get better. I miss him so much.
Hi @Littlewhitebird my husband was 60 too when he passed 20 months ago. Its so hard isnt it ? I feel like my life has been shattered. Just recently done some internet dating too … oh wow what a minefield … you will have to PM me about it cos im struggling with it too… best wishes xx