Can't move forward

My partner of 33 years died17 months ago with an anarism. This was undetected for over a year with doctors telling him it must be a bit of arthritis with his age znd palming him off with pain killers. On 15th September 2020 after a delay after collapsing & a doctor seeing him 9 hours later he was sent to hospital with a suspected anirism. This was confirmed 3 hours later and he was moved urgently to another hospital where a neuro surgeon was waiting to operate. Unfortunately after the operation he was put in an induced coma & on a life support machine as he couldn’t breathe for himself. After continuous tries to see if he could breathe himself they finally called me in and told me he was brain dead and the only thing keeping him alive was the life support machine, he would never recover. It was a hard decision to agree to turn the machine off and I was by his side when they turned it off. There was no reaction whatsoever from Allan when switched off so they told me that he was so close to dying his body had already shut down. He was my soulmate and his funeral was horrendous due to covid restrictions & not the way I wanted to say my final goodbye. I can’t seem to move forward, in front of people I put on a front and they think I am ok but inside I am screaming with anger! Why didn’t the doctors investigate his pain & detect the anarism? Why did they leave him 9 hours for an appointment after collapsing? Why did the hospital take nearly 3 hours to do a ct scan? All unanswered questions are spinning around my head. I am so angry and think about these unansweted questions every day and constantly end up in tears wishing that my time would hurry up so I can be with him again. I can’t sleep in our bedroom as it was our room, I stay downstairs with my 7 month old puppy. Will I ever beable to accept what’s happened and live the rest of my life with some sort of normality or will I constantly be an empty shell waiting to die and be with Allan?

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So sorry for your loss x what a horrible experience you went through x my husband died September 21 after being diagnosed with cancer in march . I feel like you and i am just putting on a act but I just want to be with Chris we been together since 16 married 39 years my one and only love . I am 59 and don’t want a future without him . I have adult children and grandchildren but this pain I feel is awful . I thought people could die of a broken heart mine is totally shattered yet I’m still here. X

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Life sucks so sorry for your loss Christine and broken2222. My stories very similar to yours my hubby was admitted to hospital in July 2021 for a op ended up catching sepsis and on a ventilator. Then he couldn’t wake up then he had kidney failure and heart failure all this time I wasn’t allowed to visit until they called me in to say they couldn’t do anymore and they turned machine off. I was with my darling hubby as he took his last breath and he was gone. I will never get over that day in August I feel my life just drained away with Jim he was my everything I miss him so much its unbearable.
Everything now is just meaningless I just plod though each day hoping to soon be with Jim again.
Today I had to sort my fountain out it had stopped working, pump was working so it had to be a blockage in pipe I managed to clear it all and got it working, felt Jim would have been proud I did it. But it’s so hard everything is solo now I sit having food at table set for one. One cup on draining board and one set of cutlery it’s dreadful this life we all have now .

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Thank you for your reply . Life is so hard now for all of us living without the one person that means the world to us x plodding on each day crying each night just wanting our life back or to be with them. I wish I had an answer on how we cope but sadly I don’t . Thinking of all the broken hearts love to you all x

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Dear Christineanne

I wish I had the answers as I am on a similar timeline to yourself. I don’t write nor speak the date he died. My husband died in a motorbike accident. Despite best efforts of the police did not make it to the hospital in time so never got to say goodbye. Did not want to see him after he died as wanted to remember the person who had walked out the door that morning full of smiles and kisses. His funeral was held in line with covid restrictions but cannot bring myself to hold any remembrance service as cannot cope most days and do not want to cause further suffering to our two kids.

Like yourself I put a front on when with other people/family but am actually screaming inside but my anger remains focused on my husband who would just not listen to my pleas to give up the bike. His death was preventable and it hurts so much - I find it difficult to forgive. Then guilt hits because my husband loved our kids and grandson. Another grandson born after his death and I know he would have adored him too.

I read the posts on this forum and I also cry because like you and your family there are so many families with unanswered questions.

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Hi

My husband went to the doctors 6 times from 8/3 to 7/6 and was diagnosed with long Covid, it was cancer all along. He was operable in August but in October he was told that he was palliative, never even got the chance of any chemotherapy. He passed 8/11. I am totally devastated, he was my soulmate and miss him so much. I can’t cope, he was only 58 and I’m 53. I really don’t know how to carry on, I don’t sleep, can’t function. It is slowly killing me. I like yourself don’t want a future without my beloved. I pray every night that my heart will stop as the pain is unbearable.

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So sorry for your loss x my husband had radiation and chemo what was very painful for him he was in hospital for a week during treatment with septice when treatment was finished he seem to get a bit better even built a shed in yard by the time he went for his check up he could feel lumps In his neck but had to wait 12 weeks for scan he got told over phone cancer had spread to his liver lymph nodes and bones a week later at appointment they were making plans for more chemo a week later he died . I feel like we were on a rollercoaster from march 21 till September 21 when he died . I don’t want to live this lonly heartbroken life without him . I act ok through the day with our kids n grandkids also at work but when I’m in my bedroom on a night the tears fall .I hardly eat don’t sleep great only thing keeping me going is cigs and coffee . I packet in smoking years ago but have started again with all the stress sorry for going on a bit but can’t talk to anyone my kids don’t realise how bad I feel and don’t know I come on here. Love to you x

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My husband was so fit , it wasn’t until they inserted the port o cath that everything went down hill. I honestly think that caused the stable tumour to spread. I understand trying not to cry in front of your children. I’m currently unable to go to work as I can’t cope with life. I constantly cry and often go to my bedroom, my daughter has become like the mam to me , making sure I’m alright and eating. I hate this journey I have been forced on. Please don’t bottle things up , you have the likes of people on this site who have been through the same loss that you can speak to. X

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Morning my husband passed November 11th 2020 he was diagnosed with cancer early feb but with Covid didn’t start chemotherapy till may take care lv annie x

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Hi we both went to work on the Monday, he was diagnosed with an abdominal tumour on the Tuesday and he died eight weeks later, he deteriorated really quickly and was never well enough for treatment, the doctors wouldn’t tell us until the week before although I could see for myself that he was fading away they said he had weeks to live but all he had was eight days, I miss him so much, it was all such a rollercoaster but I know he’s at peace now no more suffering, just me trying to cope day to day without my lovely husband, we were together for forty three wonderful years and what to do now? We all have such sad stories and walk the same dreadful road Take care everyone xx

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i lost my mum
my mum fell in kitchen phoned the ambulance could not wait anymore after a hour and a half took her in the wheel chair on bus to hospital she was there for one day could not see her then they sent her to a other hospital after a day and a half when by the third day i went to see her they no one told us anything her leg was blue after about three hours we were taken to a room and told my mum would die she only had about four days to live she was classed end of life we were told to had a blood clot in her leg which has been there for about four months she used to complain about her knees all the doctor would so its Arthritis and give her cream am finding it hard i cry everyday when she