Cant move on without my sister.

Losing a sibling
1

Hi everyone,
I know that so many people experience the loss of a sibling every day but I just dont know how to move on.
Its been 2 years since my younger sister died, after being ill for over a year. She was only 42. I miss her every day.
I dont want to move on because i feel like i would be leaving her behind but at the same time I just want some peace from all the emotions. I cant come to terms with the fact that this is not something that will ever “get better”. Everything is always going to be tinged with sadness from now on and i dont know how to deal with that. I have my own family, a job, friends etc but i find it hard to care about anything because I miss her so much and i cant believe that shes gone. And then i feel bad for not caring about all the good things in my life. I just want her back and I cant understand why she was taken away.
Ive lost 5 people in as many years. Some, like grandparents, I can understand it was their time, but not my sister. It all just feels like too much.
Thanks for listening x

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2

Hello @Claire4,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling like you don’t want to move on. I’m so sorry to hear about your sister and your other losses. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

3

I’d strongly support you seeking help either from the comments Alex has made, or by seeking independant therapy. we all have an “inner voice” which talks to us negatively , and we usually believe him, even when he’s wrong. But we never “leave them behind”, it will (and does) “get better”, everything will not be “tinged with sadness” etc etc. Things DO get much better, but we have to try and develop a positive approach. That’s what Therapy will do for you.
I took the “Mindfulness” therapy route, with great results.
I really wish you well. There is certainly a way out from where you feel you are.

4

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I will definitely look into the resources that you have suggested. I appreciate your help xxx

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Thank you too tykey. You have given me some things to think about. That “negative voice” that you mention. I do keep trying to get on with life and be positive but i always feel like i am faking it. That what everyone sees on the outside isnt really what i feel on the inside. Im glad you say that things do improve, maybe i just have to try and have more patience with myself. And not give up hope.
Thanks again x

6

Hi again @Claire4 . I’m delighted if I have had a positive effect. As part of my recovery, my mindfulness coach is helping me to adapt to be much more compassionate to MYSELF as well as other people. This helping me a huge amount. There are lots of other approaches we take which also help. I might suggest you have a look at what she could help you with. info@fionawatsonmindfulness.com

I still remember her telling me, that all these" thoughts" are absolutely normal, it’s what’s humans do, we cannot stop them, but we can become aware (mindful) of them, and manage them in a way which is gentle and helpful to us and not hurtful.
Battle on, you’ll be ok❤️

1 Like