I don’t come on here as much as I used to. But every now and then I look in and read people’s stories.
It’s very hard to visualize a life after the loss of a child. Regardless of how they died. The pain is the same for all of us. We all go about it in different ways in how we deal with it. However after reading so many stories there is definitely a pattern in all of our emotions. It’s 8 years since I lost my son. It’s taken me till this long to see that the world just keeps on turning. Life carries on weather we as bereaved parents are broken or not. The day my son died I genuinely thought the world had stopped at that moment. But it didn’t, it only stopped for me. I was that wrapped up in shock , trauma and grief,I didn’t see that everything and everyone just carried with their day. The sun rose and fell like it does everyday. Whereas I had to learn to breath again. Learn how to start from scratch again. Learn how to exist again. It’s so very hard to exist in a world without my boy. Every single day even 8 years later. Something somewhere will remind me of what I’ve lost.
I’ve been through all the special occasions or dates thing. Christmas, birthdays. Anniversaries. I used to go through the big build up. Getting upset. Now I’ve drifted away from that train of thought. I just remember him every single day. The only person getting upset at a particular date ( that’s relevant to me). Is me!!! I have a million memories like we all do. The first words they uttered or first day at school. First girlfriend, job. Pint. Car. Whatever it may be. But it’s only relevant to me. Nobody else is interested that I may have seen something that triggers a memory. Because it’s personal to me. That’s something I will probably carry around with me until it’s my time. But that’s ok. I don’t expect others to understand.
Loosing a child is with you for life. A lot of people when it first happens ask the question. How long am I going to feel this terrible pain. Well my answer to that is. You just learn to live with it until such times as it doesn’t cripple you like it does in the early Days. My step son moved to a new house recently and as I called round to visit. A day or two later his neighbour asked him. That bloke who called at your house the other day, is that the guy who lost his son. This after 8 years. I didn’t no the person from Adam. But they knew who I was. I didn’t know what to think about that!!! I guess after loosing a child you are remembered long after you thought you were forgotten about. Even by people you don’t know. Does that define us. . Who knows. All I know is my son is very much part of my everyday life.
When all the dust has settled we are still here living a life we never thought we could. It’s not the same. It never will be. But we learn to carry on. Life goes on. He will always be in my heart and that’s all that matters to me. I can’t turn the clock back as much as I’d like to. But he’s with me.
Ok thanks for listening
Hi Jim, reading your post is like I’ve written it myself, so familiar to emotions myself and my husband have gone through.
I gave a neighbour if my daughter a lift on Monday, she proceeded to question me on how l Iong it had been since my son had died. How do I get up each morning and how do I keep going. Forever identified as someone who lost their child. I was thrown for the rest of the day, it was so unexpected.
I too feel my son will always be with us, we talk of him I often, joke about his little habits, his straight talking manner, kindness and his big heart.
We can only do what we can each day, it varies for me
Thank you for posting, it came at the right time for me xx