Can't seem to cope

I lost my husband to cancer at the end of February, he was 67. He had been ill for some time and I cared for him at home. Before his illness we did everything together, even the weekly shop. We were devoted to each other.
At first after his passing I seemed to manage ok but now I seem to be cracking up, crying all the time and not even able to face housework or day to day chores. I make myself go out every day but for some reason feel pathetic walking around the shops with my little basket with next to nothing in it.
As everyone keeps telling me it’s early days (only 8weeks)
Sometimes I’ll even have panic attacks when it hits me that he’s not going to be around any more. I have been drinking a bit and it does aliviate the feeling for a little while. I go to bed with a Kalms really early every night and sleep for as long as possible often waking in the night and taking another to get me back off again.
I’ve though of going to the docs for some anti depressants but am a bit loathed to go down that road.
Feeling a bit desperate.

Hi Debswoo, I lost my husband early in the new year and totally relate to your little shopping basket. I find I avoid areas of the supermarket where his favourite times are, the first time I went shopping I burst into tears over the bananas.

I too loathed the idea of antidepressants but I was convinced by my very understanding GP that they would adjust my hormone levels at this difficult time and even aid me to sleep, I’ve have been taking sleeping tablets prescribed by my GP but once the anti depressants kick in I should be able to wean myself off those. It’s well worth a chat to your GP as your body will get used to the Kalms and they wil stop working for you.

I don’t mean to nag, so tell me to get lost if you want to, but I don’t think the drink helps. I’m not a killjoy, I enjoy a drink too and I’m not telling you to stop, however, alcohol is a depressant. It may ease your emotions for a little while and maybe even help you sleep, but I always find that the next day is worse after a drink.

Take it easy on yourself, housework can wait, if you want to sit and cry then do so, there aren’t any rules or timescales. You are doing well by going out everyday but please seek medical advice, there is no shame in asking for help.

Take care x

2 Likes

Thanks so much for your responses Kimmy & Mark.
Today was a so so day

How are you today Debswoo? I find weekends the hardest x

Hi Kimmy,
Thanks so much for asking. Yesterday was not too bad as I did manage to get out into the garden and do some work.
Today not so good. I went to my lovely sisters for lunch but it felt weird as my Tony loved to go there and so enjoyed my sister and brother in lawscompany. I wanted to scream “he should be here” . I did lock myself. In the loo and have a little weep.
How are you doing?

Hi Debswoo
I know that feeling, half of you is missing, I try not to be with couples for that reason. When I have to be with couples I pretend Stuart is doing something else, getting drinks or fetching logs. Don’t blame you for taking a cry break, I’d have done the same.
Yesterday Stuart’s brother came to help me in the garden, it was easy to pretend he was Stuart while we worked but very difficult when he left. Today by daughters boyfriend came to borrow some tools, I’m sure Stuart would be glad that they are being put to good use x

Back to top