Finding really hard to sleep. My mind is in overdrive as soon as my head hits pillow. Yesterday was my second counselling session and I have to say it’s making me worse she said something Yesterday that I hadn’t really thought of she said not only am I mornin Jim but also my old life I hadn’t really thought of it like that before but it’s true I’m missing everything nothings the same from the way I shop to running a house everything’s different . I will never be that person I was 6 months ago. I don’t like this life it’s totally 
I look at photos of Jim I all I feel is totally sadness for all the things we had planned and will never do to just thinking this poor man has gone and he will never see me or anything again . Sorry I’m rambling now like a mad woman but it’s how I feel I’m had no sleep and I’m crying and getting so anxious about what crap I’m got to deal with today. Wish it was all a bad dream and I’d wake up to find him in shower ( a Bobby ewing moment ) one for the older members.
Hi misprint it’s true everything changes and feels different, the trivial things that seemed important, even taste in music or joy in listening to music, I hear friends so excited about decorating their house or gardening it all seems so unimportant and meaningless, trying to rally round is a constant struggle and I find the most peace in walking the dog out on the heath on my own , I am sleeping better now but if I do have a bad night I use a guided grief meditation In the afternoon which helps, it’s about surviving best we can, your Jim would want the best for you, you’re doing ok for what’s happened to you, it’s such a momentous tragedy and the struggle is finding out how to live without our lovely soulmates but one day at a time, I’m glad we can all reach out to each other it’s chicken soup for the soul thinking if you today and sending special hugs xx
Awwwww Misprint. Wouldn’t we all LOVE a Bobby Ewing moment!!!
Ian used to love having a shower, sometimes he’d take ages, just standing with the warm water on his neck. I used to say he took too long.
I’d give anything for him to be doing that right now
Janey xx
Lol I’m showing my age now a lot of people on here wouldn’t know what I’m on about I think I’m lost the plot 
I knew!!! X
I knew and I just wish it could happen to my Ian! Nearly 40 weeks since he suddenly passed away but so many images of some awful days are still with me.
The day he got his terminal illness diagnosis and came home and cried…. The day he said I need to go to hospital ………The day he just died in front of me….
How can one ever be expected to cope with all these memories at the same time as having to adapt to living on one’s own after 40 years together.
The tears flow less but the sadness is all pervasive.
Julie x
You ramble as much as you want!
Tis true nothing can be changed, we all join a club of many… we have one go at this life, and what we do in going forward is new no matter what, but it will always join the past.
You’re not mad, you’re human xx
Ramble as much as you like, we all understand and have the same thoughts. Take care 
x
And here is another almost 4 in the morning with still no luck sleeping. I seem to be averaging one night a week getting a decent sleep and one or two nights just tossing and turning all night long. My average sleep is 3 - 4 hours.
I know that I am still very early into my grief journey, losing my husband unexpectedly less than two months ago.
I have my first grief counselling session in the afternoon, so am stressing about that.
Hello Valerie
I’m so sorry you are having trouble sleeping as it must make it so difficult to get through the following day.
You are very early on along this nightmare of a journey, mine will be 44 weeks tomorrow.
Don’t expect too much of yourself and just take one small step at a time. We all grieve in our own way and in our own time.
I hope the counselling this afternoon helps you.
Look after yourself,
Julie x
Thank you Julie, I think I managed about half an hour sleep in the end.
You must be shattered! Try not to worry too much about counselling. I was very apprehensive at first but she was so kind and soon I was telling her all about Ian. X
Hi Valerie,
I lost my wife just before Christmas and my sleep has been so disruptive. I have gone 2 days at a timewith no chance of sleep as my body refusing to give in.
I suffered with disruptive sleep for many years due to injuries from police service, but never to this extent.
I do hope you get the help you need and wish you the very best
Steve
I had trouble sleeping too in the beginning and used to nap in the afternoon and gradually after about six months it’s only the odd night now where I wake, without sleep it was so difficult to function or concentrate but I think it’s quite normal in grief, I kept telling myself how could I be ok when the worse thing ever has happened to me and didn’t want to take any meds or anything, I think the worse thing for me has been the depression because it’s so hard to lift my spirits and I know I have good reasons to feel so low and I know nothing can help me but the future seems so bleak, but I’m trying to eat well, sleep when I can and exercise even if it’s only walking the dog and I keep thinking keep going and something will happen at some point, it’s just so sad that we’re all walking the same road